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Community  :: Should I Stay or Should I Go  :: Advice  :: Emergencies

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Expired on : 1/14/2008 1:54 PM

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i never expected my life to bring me to this,but my husband who was my first and only sexual partner wanted me to be in a threesome with our mutual best-friend(male) after 16 yrs. of marriage and we wouldn't do it.so a week later he said "You ruined my plan,he was supposed to be my replacement so I could kill myself".He proceeded to get a gun and tell him to go to comfort me or he would shoot me too.I got him to a hospital the next day but when they sent him home I could not handle living with him and made him leave.A week later I slept with the friend while vulnerable.He has always been good to me while my husband for 16 yrs. verbally abused me.Now I am so afraid of divorce but I know it's the right thing for me.My husband just told me that he is with another woman but wants me back.He is getting help now with a counselor and says he has changed but I don't think he has.I am distraught over this.I have fallen in love with my friend now but it is so hard to know my husband is with another woman.I have 2 children also.The pain is unbarable.How do I go on?I am so afraid of the future.I loved him and proved it and he pulled a gun on me.I have a man who treats me like gold who I have known for 13 yrs.who wants to love me and one who has treated me bad for 16yrs. but gave me and our children financial security.I don't have an education that can get me a job that will support me and my children,I was mostly a stay at home mom.And if I go for a divorce he's gonna get me for adultery.Do I give him a chance and see if he has changed and loose a wonderful man who is willing to stand by my side and loves me unconditionally or do I go into a divorce that will tear my heart out even more and possibly destroy me?Please help!


by ebony   1 Post   read more from user >>
Posted on 1/14/2008 1:54 PM
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Comments for "help"  (6) (You must be logged in to answer)
There is no question...GET OUT! That wonderful that he is getting counseling. You need to worry about you and your two children. Reguardless if he has someone or you have someone, the fact still remains that he pulled a gun on you. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with someone who did that? As far as financial security goes, there is always a way to start over from the bottom. If this other man, the best friend, sees the wonderful person in you, then maybe you should follow suit! Everything happens for a reason my dear.
by luvmuffin   58 Posts
Posted on 1/24/2008 3:09 PM
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I am also in a marriage where finances are a big issue, but you can not put your life and your children's life in danger. If he pulled a gun out on you, he does not love you, not at ALL!!! It seems like he wants some psychological control over you. He is gone and you are safe, keep it that way. Don't let him back in to do worse to you or your children. Take his previous actions seriously before it's too late. He may even be angry about your relationship with the friend and plotting to kill all of you. You never know what's going on inside someone's mind and he has already proven to you that he is unstable. As for the friend, you should take a step back and think about whether you love him as a mate, or if it is just b/c he was there for your at your lowest moment. Rebound relationships don't usually work. Not saying yours won't, just saying take time for yourself, allow yourself to heal. If he's atrue friend he will understand and still be there for you.
by Landa   11 Posts
Posted on 1/21/2008 1:39 PM
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I think you know what to do,it's just getting the courage to do so. You and your children need to be safe. Do you let hime see the children alone, now that he has moved out? I think you need to have a break from your husband and this other guy and get your thoughts together. You definately need to seek professional help and have someone help you with legal and emotional support. Take care and be safe.
by Bunnee   115 Posts
Posted on 1/15/2008 5:29 AM
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Is this for real? A gun? That is crazy and dangerous and what if he pulled that on your children or with your children in the house? If you are to stay with someone who pulled a gun on you and has been abusive for years, there will need to be major counseling, both individually and together and a total physical inc. bloodwork on your husband - he may need medication. Then again, life it short - if you are happy and he has moved on with someone else anyway....move on....you should talk to some people in your life you trust and also a professional while making this tough decision. Good luck to you.
by callano   38 Posts
Posted on 1/14/2008 9:27 PM
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This is a crazy situation. You need to be happy. It sounds like everyone needs counseling in this situation. If he has a girlfriend and you have a boyfriend the split might be a little easier. Is he changing his mind now? Where is the gun? Call the Abuse hotline on this site if you feel threatened. Please take care of yourself and your children. Keep me posted
by Barkley   807 Posts
Posted on 1/14/2008 9:08 PM
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this sounds like a very dramatic and traumatic situation and can only hope that everyone involves stops and takes a break for a bit, while getting some counseling. this is all too much. everyone needs to talk to a professional and get some help here i think.
by mikem   286 Posts
Posted on 1/14/2008 3:44 PM
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