World is Shaken

Hi S - My heart go's out to you. The one thing I could NEVER tolerate is infidelity. That is not my husbands problem right now....his problem is he wants to be 20 yrs old & he is 40. He feels I suffocate him & control him which I don't - I just want a husband & father & not a guy who comes home when he wants with alcohol on his breath with no disregard for me. I know me & you will be better off in the long run to let go of our spouses & work on ourselves. We have a lot to offer & are good people. I am getting stronger & so can you. I'll admit this whole thing started for me just a couple of weeks ago & I would have taken him back as I really do love him but to see how he can just throw our marriage away & walk away from us....I really dont think there is any going back. God has a plan for us & I know we will get thru this & be better off for it. I am already starting to make friends - something I really never tried to do as I was so into him & the family. Take Care.

Hi Sticks, you sound as devistated as I do. I can hardly function anymore. I will never understand, and right now, I do feel like I will never get over him, never. My husband was my life. I really enjoyed doing things for him and the kids. I loved spoiling all of them. We were together 17 yrs, married 10 this April also. We told each other, we loved one another EVERY, EVERY DAY. He ALWAYS gave me a kiss when he walked in the door. He has always been my best friend, and we never went out once and had a bad time. I miss my husband so bad, I do think of dying a lot. I "was" a very independent, funny, upbeat person. This isn't like me AT ALL. I don't talk to hardly anyone. I don't like discussing this anymore with my friends. No one understands just how depressed I am. The more I think of my husband cheating on me with our daughters best friend, the worse I get. She was "19" yrs old, he was "50" when it started !!! Iv'e done the, OK, get out, meet new people phases. But, people keep disappointing me. And my husband always has a smile on. EVERY night he gets off work, changes, and dosen't return until 12:30 AM. His days off he disappears for 3 days, for the past year. I have no idea where they go. Her parents do not know it is a sexual relationship. It's not right. I want her parents, I want everyone to know. How could a man with such HIGH standards for himself and his family, in ONE day- say screw it. I don't care about any of you, I'm 52 yrs old and I hang out at my 21 yr old girlfriends college even though I know it is devistating to my wife and children. The kids tell me he looks ridiculous! people think he's her father, till they start making out in public, or in her car. He has even had her stay in OUR home when we went out of town for 4 days, to see my son graduate the Marines. I feel so stupid. I really didn't know it was that bad for him. Others were jealous of his life. I really thought we had something very special. I still do.

Sticks i know the feelings totally.I see that most comments are from woman.He is a mam's view.I had been with my wife for 23 years.We have two small children.She traveled a great deal and i was mr. mom plus held down two good jobs so we could have extra money.She wanted to be the center of attention within her workplace and her friends.On father's day she she see was not happy and wanted me to move out.She refused counselling and said i had a problem becuase i like to be affectionate.I went o counselling myself and it opened my eyes to the things that were right in front of me that i refused or could not see.Seek out friends,go to counseling and try not beat yourself up.I beat myself up and realized i spoiled her and was taken for granted.I gave flower,breakfast in bed,suprises like trip and it all backfired.Take the knowledge that one can only work on oneself and can not make,will another person to change.

Wow - I no longer feel alone. A lot of us have been in this similar situation. It is amazing to me how someone you care about & love so much can fall out being "in love" with you. These first few months will be the hardest for me...Valentines around the corner & our Anniv in April.

Sticks, I'm going through the same thing right now. My husband of 22 years started acting strange about a year ago, was always happy before that. His mother died, his work went bad, he went on zoloft and a year later he started acting like he didn't care anymore. I went through a year of him complaining that he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore. He drinks every night, has admitted that he's having a mid life crisis and doesn't know what he wants. I kicked him out of the house after new years and he demanded that he stay and we work on our marriage and go to counceling. Well, turns out that our "friends" wife and he were having an emotional affair (texting, talking, flirting, etc) and when I called him on it he insisted that they were "just good friends". I told him I would go to counceling (which the councelor told him it was an emtional affiar but my husband is in denial about it) but that he had to give up the "friendship". Now he's mad at me for that and after 21 years of happyness I think he's afraid to say he wants a divorce, he's going through the motions of therapy to "prove" he worked on it. I'm ready to move on since he's not even talking to me accept about the kids, finances, etc. He's moved in with his father (who's a recovering alcoholic) and he can't drink there so he's at the bars every night. He says he doesn't know what he wants. Our 4 teen daughters are discusted with him. They say "Mom, you didn't do anything wrong!". He was happy until he went on anti depressents and started drinking heavly. I'm done. I know I'll be better off without him.