Should I spy on my spouse to see if he is cheating? Do I really want to know?

Read the poll that childless posted about checking your spouses cell phone. You will find more there!

I think you should find out on your own if he is. My guess it that he probably is if you suspect it.
After you find out for sure then you can talk to him directly. If he is then suggest counseling if you are wanting to stay in the marriage. Then is when you have a decision to make.
You don't have to drive yourself crazy with it and be consumned . Just find out for sure ..and make your move from there.If he isn't I think I would still suggest counseling because if you are suspecting it then there has to be a reason you are. Fix it before there is a problem.
I wouldn't ask him directly because if he is then he has already lied to you and will again. If he isn't then he will be hurt. But either way, then you will know for sure.
Let us know what happens!

I would recommend that you confront him face to face.  You will know by his reactions if he is lying or not.  Most people who cheat get upset when confronted about it. In addition, when a person lies, they shift their eyes so that there is not eye contact.  They figit.  They try to change the subject.  They try to turn the situation around on you. 
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.  If you do not trust your husband, you will grow to resent him. 

Ask him directly to get resolution to this problem. 

Also, I know not everyone is going to agree on this, but just because a person cheats, it does not mean that the relationship has to end.  It does mean that your relationship is in a lot of trouble and needs a lot of work though.  If he is cheating, you will need to evaluate the situation to determine if you feel it is something you want to try to work out.   Just so that you know, my husband had cheated on me, and I had cheated on him in the beginning of our relationship.  Repairing that trust was very hard to do.  We did work it out though.  We have now been together for 11 years, and have two beautiful children. 

You can ask him directly, but he will lie. I have the phone records and confronted him and he still wont admit to it and actually said the phone records were wrong. It is hard, everytime I check the phone activity I get upset all over again. So I did stop doing it daily, but I am printing them. This may be useful if we do get divorced.

I say go with your gut feeling. Everytime I had a feeling that something wasn't right, I found out there was someone.

If you think they are cheating then they usually are. My stbx wife said she did not love me and wanted a divorce but there was not another man. There were too many items that did not add up. Found out she was lying and there was another guy in the picture. Remember anyone cheating will lie not just men. There was one thing that came out of this that felt really good. The guy that she was cheating with dumped her last week. Really felt good to see her world crash and burn around her. Can't wait until our divorce is final and get rid of her.

Well, I spied and everytime my gut was right. There are many ways do do this. If he is cheating my experience is he won`t tell you the truth until you have proof. The question you need to ask is do you really want to know. I`ll tell you three women and a pay for ... it really hurts

Trust your intuition! If you think it. feel it. sense it. Then it's probably true. I don't suggest you spy on him. That's only going to make you feel worst when you see the other woman and him together. Neither would I ask him if he was cheaing. He's not going to be honest. Remember all men lie! As a matter of fact you need to go out with your friends on a regular basis, take the focus off him and see how fast this situation turns around.

Yes in a perfect world ask him directly but you are more than likely not going to get the truth. I have friends that have been in your situation and he is lying to you now so what makes you think he is just all of a sudden going to be straight with you. Hire an investigator or spy yourself. Just be careful my girlfriend was checking her husband's cellphone records only to find another cellphone in his car????

Honestly, I DID the spying and found out my ex WAS cheating and it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. Not only was I checking his cell phone 3 or 4 times every day, but I sometimes followed him to see if he was working where he said he was. This took so much time out of my life and it left me feeling helpless and horrible. I wasted so much of my valuable time and I wished now that I hadn't done it. Please seek someone to talk to about this. My dear old friend, who was a counseling coach, as well as a pastor talked to me and it was something that really helped me the most. Not knowing is also extremly hard to deal with. Support from friends really do help.

You need to seek counseling. This is no way to live, under suspicion all the time. Either ask him directly or see if he will go to counseling with you. Trust is a tough thing to ever get back so you need to find out for sure what is going on. You will drive yourself crazy until you know the truth.

Unless you have a relationship that is nurturing, trusting and is emotionally supportive, I would never ask. He will just deny, make you feel crazy for asking and begin to effectively cover his tracks. Here are my pointers: 1) Monitor mileage DAILY on his vehicle. Is he driving much further than he should be? Log this and keep it hidden. 2) Monitor gas and other purchases. If you have debit or credit cards, each person's purchases are tracked separately. You can get a report from your bank or credit union if it is a joint account. You may have to do a lot of work to determine his v you purchases but it is worth it. 3) get Vonage. It keeps a record of every incoming and outgoing call. I was able to match phone calls placed from his work cell phone to women that matcheds calls placed to or from our home when I was not around. I used US Search to get names and addresses ($10.00/check). I also logged the phone calls he was making from his work cell phone. I called each one

I'd ask him directly. I think you may consider counseling as well, because, just as important as whether he's cheating or not, you feel you can't trust him. That's an issue, whether it's deserved or not. You need to be able to trust your partner. That allows you to relax in a relationship, it's no good to be paranoid all the time. If he's not having an affair, work with your husband to bring the trust back into the relationship.