Polls

She wants to have her cake and eat it too

I agreed to be the non-custodial parent and pay child
support because my ex was going to fight me in court
and I can't afford it.

We agreed that I'd have 3 out of 4 weekends, Thursdays,
shared holidays and could each take a vacation with our son
for a week. Fair enough right? I'm paying $717/mo child
support.

The issue is my ex keeps pushing my son off on me on my
weekend off and now wants me to babysit him while she goes
on vacation with her boyfriend. She's also pushing for me to do
more overnights during the week.

Basically she wants me to pay child support like
she's the custodial parent, yet enjoy the benefits
of shared custody.

I would be happy to do 50/50 custody but she won't agree
to it or even discuss it. She's pushing his overnights on me
right up to the edge and beyond of the 35% required in this
state for shared custody, which lowers child support, and is
becoming necessary because my expenses are getting
crazy. I have 0 extra money after paying CS and buying food.

I am not exaggerating.

I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, and she tells him things
like "Daddy doesn't want to spend time with you so you can't
go over tonight" After telling him he's coming to my place for
the night, then calling me and telling me with no notice.

Do I:

by Viz 41 Posts
Posted on 5/1/2009 8:49 AM

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Cast your vote

Silently suffer the burden of shared custody AND child support
Tell her where to go.
Refuse to do anything beyond the agreement unless we go to shared custody
Call my lawyer
Stop being a whiner and do whatever she wants me to.
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Comments for "divorce360.com | She wants to have her cake and eat it too" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

Boy can I identify with this!! I was curious what my life might look like after a divorce and it seems like someone is living it!! Perhaps we need to talk!!?? My wife has been taking advantage of me for the past 10 years. She is a gym, salon, shopping, and her-other-friends rat..... She is on everyone elses team except her own families. She's alienated everyone including me, my parents, her parents, her sisters, our neighbors, all our mutual friends. When I say alienate, I mean that she has no time for them except if they are as superficial as she is.... She is impressed with all the attractive people who hang out at bars and nightclubs and not too interested in any of the responsible parents who are more happy with their family life. I've had a mini-van for about 6 years and it is difficult to get her to drive in it with me and the kids. Most of the time we take 2 vehicles and she stays on her cellphone privately. More later. Gotta go... But you get the point. I love her and am attracted to her, but can't stand how she treats me, the kids and the rest of the people in our families circle. She connects with her friends from work, the gym and the salon. PERIOD and she does it via texting right in front of me and the kids..........!!!!!!!!! Help

by BMan2112 20 Posts
Posted on 11/3/2009 4:22 PM

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Forgot something very important...

Don't forget to spell out that you also get a week off by yourself for vacation. On her week off you take vacation too and take your kid with you.

This will have the subtle psychological advantage of your child seeing that Daddy likes to take him/her with on vacation and show that you really like being with them. This is important to your child.

by Viz 41 Posts
Posted on 8/14/2009 10:03 PM

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Dude I was in the *exact* same situation down to the letter.
Here's what I did and it worked.
1. Use her desire to take off for a week as a bargaining chip.
2. Tell her you want your kid not 2 days a week, but 3
3. Tell her you want your kid every weekend
4. She doesn't get the week until she signs the addendum your lawyer is going to draw up.

Write this up in an email and send it to her. If she agrees to do it make her respond with an email.

Don't mention shared custody change in the email. Let your attorney spell it out in the addendum. This will put you at 43% of obernights which is enough to get it changed to shared custody, at least in my state (MD)

If she won't agree to it stop cutting her slack. Refuse to take your kid on her weekends and do not give her the week, period! She is legally required to abide your MSA.

Don't contact your attorney until you know she'll sign it because you are wasting your money otherwise.
Some things to be aware of
All expenses except food and sheltered become shared and you need to split the costs
It's a bitch to not get any weekends but to me it's worth it.

Some particulars about my situation:
I am dating someone that has her son 7 days a week so on weekends we all go out and do stuff ( her ex died after her divorce ) so this works for me. You might want to bargain for 1 week on one off.

by Viz 41 Posts
Posted on 8/14/2009 9:51 PM

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Document, document, document - she is doing you a favor by providing your argument for you.....but in the meantime just go along with it and let her know you'd be glad to help out anytime.

by T1025 15 Posts
Posted on 8/14/2009 3:00 PM

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You take all the documentation you have (as you have been documenting all this extra time, right?) to your attorney and have custody modified & child support lowered (or all together ended based on what you ultimately go for)

You also need to send her a certified letter stating that in no uncertain terms she is not to discuss visitation arrangements with the child before confirming with you - and that she is not to talk badly about you to the child to prove you are trying to remedy the situation of her manipulation through the child.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 5/1/2009 12:52 PM

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I would contact your atty. and see what he has to say about your rights. You need to start maintaining a log of the time you have your son with you if you should decide to go to court.

She shouldn't be telling your son he is coming to your house unless she has talked to you first. But people do strange things when they want to manipulate to get what they want.

by trisha9054 4967 Posts
Posted on 5/1/2009 9:22 AM

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