once a cheater always a cheater?

No, not the case always. I was the cheater in our relationship. I call myself that because it is how my ex views it. I filed for divorce once I met someone (our relationship was on the rocks to begin with) The next night I "cheated" with this person. went out with him and slept with him 5 times total and then called it off. While I was seeing this guy I was still talking to my ex who knew.When that relation ended a family friend came over and we drank, watched a movie and started to fool around, my ex called, that ended. I was thankful he called because I had no interest in this guy!That behavior was very unlike me. I also wanted my ex back. I have thought about this and know why I acted this way, it was due to what was lacking in my marriage.My ex and I grew accustom to living like  roommates instead of husband and wife.He took me back, about 3.5 yrs. ago but has never forgotten or forgiven. We have since been separated for 2 years and are facing divorce. There is not a day that goes by where I am not sorry for my actions but do not feel I am 100% to blame either! It takes two to have a marriage (which is hard work alone) but it also takes 2 to end it. People have to think what went wrong but before it reaches this point, ask ourselves daily weather both are happy? If this was done then it would not take us by surprise when the other asks for out or strays. We grow so accustom to how things are we often do not realize when our relationship heads south. Relationships are hard work, it isn't like the fairy tale we remember as children. Bottom line..I cheated and have been paying for it ever since. It had nothing to do with the sex..it was the emotional aspect. I did not like the men but I liked knowing someone cared about what I had to say, how I felt, the companionship. I regret it now because I loved my ex, still do. I know he will never let me live it down, don't blame him. I regret letting our relationship fail, losing someone I love and hurting him the way I did

As a betrayed spouse I hope in my case the answer is no.  I have suspicion it could be yes.  I know one thing, affair recovery is pure hell and a lot of work to try and reconcile.  I agree it depends on the attitude of the betrayer.  For me jury is still out......

I used to think yes, but as I listen to people share, listening to people on the radio, and talking to others, I think what one has to discern is why did one stray.  Was it due to years of falling away from each other?  Did the spouse cheat for sexual reasons?  As I woman, I have a lot of male friends.  They are like brothers to me.  They fill a void intellectually and socially that my husband doesn't meet. 

 

I met someone who has similiar issues in his marriages.  We bonded and we shared.  Do I want to have an affair with him?  No.  Do I want to be with him?  Maybe if circumstances were different and if God wills it.

 

I think if you are the spouse of the cheater, you need to find out why.  Can men change?  Sure, if the relationship is worth it to them.  Can women change?  Of course, for the same reasons.

Men, as I understand are looking for a sexual connection.  Women, are looking for a connection not necessarily found through sex.  I would like to think, and maybe this is naive, that these things happen for a reason.  It's what we do going forward from the pain that defines us.

married for 21 years my husband had an affair with his employees ( he owns a bar)for  a year +  which she was also a friend of mine outside of work, He fell in love with her and considered leaving me for her asked me for a divorce and I pleated to work it out and he agreed but denied there was someone else,he worked nothing out ,he continued to see her, once a figured it out he thought she should continue to work there I disagreed.So I got rid of her by babysitting them at work until she couldn't take it anymore and quit,I replaced her with my bestfriend daughter that I raised as my own from age 5. shes 21 which I later found out he had a on night stand with her ! at his apartment I didn't know he had,as the fights never seemed to end he left home one night and went to the restaurant he owns and picked up ANOTHER waitress which was also 21 (he's 45) and took her to a hotel within 3 hours and never came home for 4 months and she had a 1&2 year old babies our children are in their upper teens,she is totally unattractive and nobody could see the connection. I went to his place in the middle of the night after he called earlier and wanted to meet me to talk  told him No but decided to go late, the door was cracked open so I went in  and caught him in bed with her, he woke up called the police and had me arrested for B&E !which I received 3 months probation OMG! how he's on this knees begin for me back and I know if its so easy to do all of this I believe in the business he's in and very good looking I think its been going on for our 20 yr. marriage.He claims he's made the biggest mistakes and gave he his golden word-for what ever weight that holds- that he will never go anywhere again ,misses his family and his life with me His affairs cost us over 30K how can you EVER forgive or trust what he's saying just to find out in 5 yrs he's done it again and then I will be 50! part of me wants to believe him just because I never wanted any of this to happen- BUT IT DID.

I would have to say yes, becuz they are not going to change unless they truly want to!!  The funny thing is my ex cheated on me with a serial cheater and she ended her 2nd marriage to be with him - good luck with that!!  She cheated more than one time - what's the chance she'll cheat again--pretty damn good if ya ask me!!  He cheated on me - and who knows how many times he's cheated on me and I didn't know about becuz he left me 10 yrs ago and we were separated for awhile and then stupid ass me took him back--so I have to say yeah on this one!!  Once a cheat always a cheat!!

Speaking as someone who cheated one night and only one night...

No, the saying is not 100% true for all cases. I do not believe once a cheater, always a cheater, depending on the situation. Some yes.  All, no.

I will not have another affair and regret my affair more than most will ever know, but I know I will not do that ever again. I also know of others in my life that have cheated once (both short term and long term) and never did it again.

Here's my take on this and I was married to a serial cheater. If they've cheated once and show true remorse with counseling and hard work It can be worked out. Twice is doubtful but worth the try. It will take much more work to find and correct their reasoning for cheating.
Anymore than twice and a pattern of cheating has begun and it will never end.

I'm sorry to say that a liar and a cheater once they have been, then they will always be.

I'm afraid I say yes...  Especially if they were able to get away with it for a while before they were found out.  They'll think of new ways to cheat, they'll be sneakier.  I know if my wife would beg me to come back, I would never, ever be able to trust her again.

I think once a cheater always a cheater, but I would like to belove that if you love them enough that you could change , but I don't think so!

I can only speak from experience.

Yes.

I do think people make mistakes. I think it goes to the remorse that follows. The effort used in trying to correct the mistake. I have seen many relationships come together after something so devastating, this is actually on the rise, BUT, I have seen many torn apart too. It also depends on your level of committment to trying to make it work. This goes with knowing that you will have to forgive all past wrongdoings to allow a fresh start. You can't keep bringing up the past. If YOU are ready to do this and your partner is too, go for it! Goodluck to you!