Children of Affairs

Aimless ---- My heart goes out to you for all you have been through. I had 2 miscarriages in my early 20's and can only attempt to imagine your pain. It breaks my heart to know this post re-opened such a delicate wound. God Bless you and heal you. You deserve forgiveness, forgive yourself, please. 

I must agree with you with regard to my husband. He is an absolutely amazing man. He loves me and he loves my child. He even considers the child "his" although he is fully aware the child is O/M's. The state however, regards the child as my husbands because we were married at the time of conception, birth and still are married. Now, neither of us want nor intend to try  to keep O/M out of child's life, but to have a husband who wants to do so much for a child he knows is a direct result of this affair---- I am at a loss for words. I keep saying he's amazing because it is truly how I feel. I am amazed, stunned, touched so deeply I can't begin to fathom how much he must love me. For that I am eternally grateful. 

By the way, if the tables were turned, I would accept with open arms depending on the affair situation/whether I was willing to reconcile or not - the affair would be the subject of debate, not the child...

I will never forget how my husband's ex girlfriend and the mother of his 1st child (given up for adoption) was suspicious of why I was so accepting of her - she thought the old addage of keep your friends close and your enemies closer was my motivation, but that wasn't it...

I pushed my husband and his ex to resolve their past issues because she was the mother of his 1st born and he did have feelings for her at one point - wonder how many people said, "Are you crazy? you are seriously okay with your husband being friends with his ex? Wow..."

I still believe in my heart of hearts, especially going through what I went through, I could forgive and accept a child of an affair in a heartbeat. I could not force that much hatred and spite onto the offending spouse as what I went through - ever hear the phrase "for better or worse" and "till death do us part" and "sticking by each other during the really rough times" and "hate the sin, forgive the sinner" and I guess I know that betrayal in any relationship is a given, it is not a question of 'if' it will happen, it's 'when' and how the person responds to that betrayal that proves loyalty and faithfulness and love (i.e., the person that betrayed). That's just me, and I doubt you will get many positive responses about it either...

My husband intially told me that if I were to keep my child from my affair, he would divorce me, so he said that an abortion would be an option because he in no way could accept this other man's child (for more reasons than the very obvious).

It was a heart wrenching decision, but I chose to have an abortion (with the consent of the OM) because I wanted to make my marriage work.

The day after my abortion 2 1/2 weeks later, after a huge fight regarding whether it was a 'baby' or 'cells' (I was truly mourning my child and feeling the gut wrenching guilt and reality of my 5 minute affair), he told me that the more he had thought about it, the more he could have accepted the child.

Want to know how bad I wanted to kill myself right then and yet I told myself how much I deserved it because I had the stupid affair that resulted in a baby from one stupid 5 minutes screw session?

I hated him so much...yet he was so honest with me...

I do believe that after the initial hurt/pain of knowing about the affair, a child could be accepted by the other party. It takes a strong person though...

From your story, I think you have one heck of a husband if he is willing to accept your child. Embrace that...

I could only wish that my husband had told me he was okay with it the night before my abortion instead of 2 hours after I passed the the unborn baby in my bathroom and was hysterical and wanting to kill myself for every single thing I had done and yet deserved...

Wow...I'm sitting here crying again...I'm at a loss for words...except I don't think many will every truly accept it because it was an affair, and that, in itself is horrendous, but to have a constant and daily reminder of that, is torture. I can only say that after this long, if he can accept you and your child, you have a blessing that I could only dream of and I would think so highly of your husband for that...it's truly showing love and acceptance...the highest compliment there is...

Well, let me say this: I am the spouse with the child resulting from the affair in my case. However, I am just asking to gather others general feelings on this issue IF it ever happened to them. Would you file for divorce because you couldn't or didn't want to deal with the child or child's parent for the next 18 years? I know it is a very sensitive issue as the child would be a constant reminder of the affair. Please answer honestly. Thanks!

trisha -- I am so sorry for what you have gone through. That was terrible. I hope you know what a wonderful person you are for trying to accept the child although your spouse apparently didn't want to do so. God Bless you!

delia --- simply put, I agree!

Part of the reason I got my divorce. He refused to pay the small amt. of support for the child he left in the Philippines. That and other reasons. You support your child no matter who the mother is. But mine lied to the mother of his child and told her he was single. He moved them into three different countries and then left them in filth.

it depends on the result of the affair. If you are trying to reconcile, then you'd have to discuss it with the spouse.

If you are divorcing, it is a moot issue. That rests between him and the child's mother.

Even if a couple reconciles, the child's father needs to be responsible for his offspring.