What is her next move?

DO NOT, not get an attorney. Get a mediator. You can get one for as little as $200 for an uncontested divorce. You need to know what the laws are on separation of property and custody, and how child support works so everything is fair.

I've never heard of couples therapy being successful. Feel free to try it though. Just remember, for it to have any chance of working, both partners need to want it to work. If one of you doesn't, hang it up and go to the mediator. You'll be wasting your money on a shrink in that case.

When its over, its over - period. If you even have the slightest hope that it could work - but she doesn't - follow through with the divorce - please. It will save alot of heart ache in the end (as if there isn't enough going through this!)

I was with my ex for 12 years. He kept hinting that he wanted to leave me - then i found out he'd been having an affair for 6 months -deal breaker for me (even tho we had 3 kids-very young at the time). We had a house-cars/investments etc - but the way i looked at it - much better to be happy than miserable or pretending - EVEN for the kids. In the end - the kids suffer the most whether you stay or go - period. Counselling helps - but of course it doesn't work the way you think it will -or the way you've talked about it. I know  -we both had said - IF anything were to happen - we would be there for the kids - no arguing. Ya - that worked! We argued for years - he didn't pay support - then he would - then he would tell the kids i was spending it on me (i wasn't). It was awful for the kids - and for us. It has now been over 10 years we've been divorced -we have finally become 'friends' but only because of his girlfriend. He has not changed - but i have. He will do to her as he has done in the past (3 relationships all failed due to infidelity).

I wish he could wake up and see what type of role model he is for his kids- but he is selfish and thinks only of himself -the kids are much older now - and call him on it - but it doesn't help. He will never change. The kids always say - we love dad - but why is he such a jerk?

Life moves on whether you want it to or not. Hopefully we can grab a piece of happiness along the way. Keep records - try to be civil - and pray alot!

Look at it this way, If you are not happy and there is no chance for it to improve cut your losses and move on. For the legal side of things, that is why you pay an attorney. That is what they are there for. Just reminde your STBX that the more time spent batteling is more money the attorney gets and less you have to use for your kids.

Follow-up, she went to the attorney but does not think collabrative divorce is the way, she suggested that we do it ourselves (I do not think she wants to pay for it). She asked that we sit down and go over everything, as soon as the house came up (she asked what my ideal situation would be) it was downhill in a hurricane. She wants to keep the house which would be great because of the kids. I want the same. She expects not to give me anything more than its worth today (duh! bad housing market),I told her to hold on and we split it if she sells it next year or whenever, this is our sticking point. The attorney says that I have a right to the appreciation, she believes I don't. Stalemate.

She is not willing to go to counseling, I had one last ditch effort while driving to the attorney, she did not speak of reconciliation but can we be friends type of talk. She called me I did not call her. Some people will never be happy no matter what. I am just giving her what she wants. If this is a test I have missed badly, and she isn't giving the right questions.

OK, I did it. I believe in fairy tales. Guilty as charged. I voted for the last option. Because it can happen. It does happen. Just not very often when one or the other is bitter or angry.

My STBX also said many times she wanted a divorce but "just didn't know how to do it". I knew we were done if things didn't change, and tried to work on both me and the marriage. The marriage part rapidly became a half-hearted effort, though, because she kept saying she wanted a divorce.

So, like you, I finally caved and said "OK, we're done". At which time she became the most angry person in the world. Probably not conducive to the "amicable" divorce we always said we would have if the time ever came. But we'll see, as we're just starting the process.

Hope you can avoid letting an attorney or two buy a new Mercedes.

I wish my stbx would have gone the collaborative route OR stay with me and really work on communication.
 Once that divorce word is let out of the dragon - dust devils can appear out of no where. Then a tornado like her response after you followed through and did get a attorney.
Have you gone to counseling? Is she testing you to see where you stand in the marriage? I don't know your marriage details and won't assume.
It really does sound like she's playing game with you. I am not a game player and really don't know how to reply other than: protect yourself so you can see the kids. It sounds like they are being used as pawns in your bad chess game.
Someone gave me good advice in response to a post. They said: keep a log of what is said and done. This could be used to your benefit someday.
I hope this doesn't go from dust devils to tornadoes to hurricane force levels SO protect yourself.

I would guess your wife will probably be getting her own attorney and your divorce will proceed. If neither one of you were happy this was the logical choice to make. I stayed in my first marriage for 28 years being miserable. When I saw thee signs in the second marriage I took action right away. Why waste time in a loveless marriage? Life is too short.

We have been together for 9 years. She supposedly has checked out, but plays games. Her latest fiasco is saying that she wants the divorce (no chance for reconciliation) and then when I go to the attorney, says that I can not see the kids until the attorneys sets up the parenting plan. IIn the past week I could stop by anytime and see them. usually I see them 4-5 times a week. Now she has my little one call me alot as if to say this what you will miss if ou do this. She asked for the divorce, I was against it.

Don't wait for her to make the next move... you make it.  Stand up for yourself and see if this knocks any sense into her.  Keep us posted on what happens.  Hang in there.

How long have you two been together?  Do you feel like roomates?  Give us a little more information so we can help you.  You need to be happy and so does she.  It sounds like you have both checked out of this marriage.  Is there a chance to revive it?