We have been married for 25 years with one child still at home. He had an affair 10 years ago which was very, very painful but were able to work through with 2 solid years of counseling. Our relationship was good after that due to his feelings of guilt over what he put our family through. For the past 3 or 4 years, however, things have been going downhill again. He quit his job for a more stable job 7 years ago and has been working out of another city halfway across the country for the past 2 years. He commutes home for a couple of days each week on average. There are some weeks that he doesn't come home at all and other weeks when he is home for 4-5 days. I realized a year ago that he was starting to act the same as he did before he had the affair...angry, verbally abusive, secretive, distant. I finally began to look at computer records to see what he had been up to, to try to discover if there was a source for his negative behavior. I discovered that he had been frequenting many porn sites and that he had posted a fictitious profile on an obscure dating site. I confronted him on his angry behavior and he finally admitted to visiting the porn sites. He claims that he did not know that he had posted his profile on the dating site, claiming that it must have happened when he filled out an online questionnaire, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" I have clicked through the site enough to know that he had to enter some personal information that would not have appeared simply by filling out the questionnaire.My question...I really believe that it is possible that he is having another affair but cannot prove it. I cannot trust him. He certainly has the opportunity, living in another city essentially, and has a prestigious job that attracts opportunistic females to him. He denies having one, but at this point, due to the way he has been acting that is similar to the way he behaved before and during the first affair. He has also placed us in very significant debt, claiming that it is because he is bad at managing money and we have been living beyond our means. I do not at all believe this is true.I am staying in this marriage because I truly feel that it would hurt our remaining child at home significantly if we separated. I am trying to hang on as normally as possible until our child leaves for college, in another year. I do not, however, trust my spouse at all anymore. I hate it when he is at home and do not feel any romantic interest in him. I like him as a friend sometimes but have no romantic interest in him, whatsoever. I am very angry that he has hurt and destroyed our family so much out of his selfish, superior and narcissistic attitude. Hard to explain in the confines of this space, but I need to know what others would do in my situation. Should I keep things status quo until our child is in college or ask for a separation now? A separation now would be very, very hard on our child. Our child is not aware of this situation. What should I do?
Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is aPromise. by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College. (LoveIsAPromise.wordpress.com)
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