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Hi Texasgal, I also am a Texas Gal! I have been married for 29 years and yes there have been so many lonely times that I have often thought that i could be lonely by myself. Lately i have been trying to shake things up and do things that i usually don't do. One thing that may seem simple is I started reading the news headlines on AOL. I usually try to use something that I learned that day in our conversations that evening. Wow, he actually started talking! Now I am getting into the election and we are having discussions about that. He is afraid that I am going to vote for the wrong man!  i'm going to keep him guessing.

Not that eveything is perfect, it's not or I wouldn't be on this site.

I too, have tried to get him to do things with me. About the only thing he will do is take me to a cheep movie and I mean an old theater $4.75. We have to search for a good seat that isn't torn up.  I always insist on a coke and popcorn to get my dates worth.

With his diabetes he gets angry about alot of things that really aren't important. I don't see myself retiring with this angry old man.

Good luck, I sincerely hope things work out for you!

Welcome Texas Girl!

I really don't want to sound like a 'nay-sayer' but, I got stuck in the same rut as you only I hung in there for 25 years.  I agree that you should try counseling, however, I have found that counseling only works if both parties agree that something is wrong.  I don't think my husband ever really felt something was wrong with him.  I also agree that you should just sit him down and tell him what you have been feeling.  You don't really want him to come back at you later with the "why didnt you tell me?" line.  

What ever you do, please, please don't waste too much time.  Life is too short to be stuck in a relationship what is wrong.

Good luck!

TexasGal, I know exactly how you feel.  I am at the same point where my husband and I spend our evenings in separate rooms.  We used to have some of the same interests but we don't engage in those activities anymore.  I used to plan a lot of activities for the two of us but he never reciprocated by planning anything himself.  I accepted it for the longest time but now it's frustrating.  Especially hard when I get the excuses that he attempted to make an effort but things fell through.  It's not like a Hallmark card and the thought is what counted.  I'm tired of excuses.  I'm tired of being the one that takes care of our son, our finances, our home, everything, even down to hiring contractors when major appliances break.  For once I'd just like him to go out of his way and surprise me for a change.  Do something out of the ordinary, something I wouldn't expect, something he thinks I would like, not necessarily that he would like.  I feel that he and I are just roommates.  He's a good father to our son but I think our relationship as wife and husband has run its course.

I've been in counseling 75% of our marriage.  I admit I was a real jerk early on (old baggage).  Now, I got it together, and have asked repeatedly what I can do to make thinks better.  Nothing is offered.  Now, I remain respectful and try to stay emotionally involved, but that is hard to do with someone who continues with verbal abuse.  After the last episode, I "lost" my wedding ring.  I remember wanting to throw it in the ocean, but during a recent renovation of my home office I "lost" it.  Can't find it. Felt guilty being with my 2 and 4 year old and having no ring.  Went to Costo to replace it, then came home and more conflict.  Now, wondering why I bought the ring...Don't want my daughters to be seen as having no committed father.

Thank you for being here.

I'm sorry that you feel the way you're feeling.  It sounds like you feel the way my wife did.  She had to sit me down and say "I haven't been happy in our marriage, and haven't been in the last three years."  It wasn't until that moment that I realized that I had been neglecting her.  Sure, I knew there were moments, but I always thought that they were the normal ups and downs of marriage, but I never in my wildest dreams thought that it was as serious as it was.

I didn't realize how much I had hurt her.  Some of it was that I was so worried about other things and thinking about us that I neglected her.  Unfortunately for us, she may have waited until it was too late to tell me.  I have/am trying to make amends now, but we still are drifting further than ever.  She isn't very inclined towards counseling, but I did get her to agree to go to another marriage counselor this morning.  It's a start.  I do love her, so I need to try, even if she only feels like we're just good friends instead of husband and wife.

Sorry, didn't mean to vent, but the point is that I don't know your husband, but you might want to try telling him point blank exactly how you feel.  There may be more going on with him emotionally that may be causing his behavior.  Hopefully you can talk him into going to counseling.  Even if he doesn't go, you should probably consider going yourself.  Perhaps the counselor can give you advice on how to talk to your husband and, if nothing else, can help you cope better with your lonliness.  Good luck and welcome.

Sweetie6116,
I could very easily be interested in someone else, but I don't let myself go there.  I know that if I let myself be interested in someone else, it would not be fair to them, me or my husband.

I have mentioned counselling but he shrugged it off.  I may have to insist on it.

Smalltowngirl,
I am interested in his hobbies, and I do attend the things he enjoys, but I have to ask to be included, he doesn't ask me.  I get to the point where I feel that he doesn't want me around.  I do try to involve him in my activities.  Its just not his thing and he doesn't want to bother with it.  He would rather do his thing instead.  I try to communicate.  I try to tell him my feelings.  Sometimes he listens, sometimes he just doesn't seem to care.

Do continue to communicate. Don't go another 6 years in an unhappy marriage. Make all attempts to uncover the problem if there is one. Work it out before it gets to a point where there is no communication, both are feeling lonely and wanting the same thing but not discussing your true feelings. PUT IT OUT THERE! Have him open up to you.
My husband practically begged me to join him while he was participating in his hobbies. Right down to Fri night poker with the guys. I was not interested in his hobbies, being with the guys, hot ballgames etc. He would participate in anything I was interested in. Which at the time I would kid I could take a basket weaving class & you would be there. He would of and I should of appreciated that. I enjoyed my quiet time at home while he was out. I should have made more time for him. His affair was partially a result of this woman showing him the attention I was not giving him. I should of communicated with him better, after all these years I was just to comfortable in my marriage.

Early in my marriage because of his jealousy I cut off alot of friends- I do not recommend that. Hopefully the two of you can have mutual friends and enjoy life together. You must trust and be honest. Best of luck.

Click on my name and read the one entitled "Sooo confused"

Hmm...I feel ya Texas!  I realize now that in the dating part of my relationship with hubby, we did everything HE wanted to do.  It was all about HIM.  I sacrificed myself for him.  And although he is trying to make things better, I sadly feel it is too late!  There are other big issues that are in my post (feel free to look me up).

I hate to say it, but what about counseling.  HAve you told him how you feel?

 

Is there someone else you might be interested in?