Dyben is right, don't make any major decisions right now. Things aren't working how they should be. Lean on friends and family. This site helps so much as well. Breathe and take time for yourself, even if it's only 5 minutes. You are in a dark place right now....just know it won't last.You are going to learn a lot about yourself in the next months. Get that counselor and buy some books. Everyone here is really here for you. Day by Day, hour by hour if you need that. Good Luck!

I too am sorry Charley.  That sucks.  I can't even imagine what I'd do in your situation.  My ending was different.  She left, but I had time to get used to it, and we don't have kids that need to understand why their world is changing.

I was the kid of a divorce, and I can say that the good news is: they're durable. They need love and reassurance, but if you're the mom you sound like, that should come natural. 

So what do you tell them?  First you reassure them that you would never leave them. They need to know that.  Then tell them the basics about their dad leaving.  No need to get really deep in the matter, just the facts.  Then, reassure them again.  Their world is as turbulant as yours is right now, if not moreso.  You know (sort of) whats going on.  They don't get it.

I would recommend you get a counselor.  Somebody you can talk to. With so many emotions running rampant inside, it's easy to feel overwhelmed.  Divorce is like a car wreck: Confusion and pain. You need to pull out of this.  It's tough, you've really been hurt, but your kids need you.  They need to see how strong mommy is. Hang in there Charleybear, we're all here to help as best we can.

I am really sorry you are going through this.  I have been there myself.  When my ex and I first separated I was paralyzed for 4 days.....could not take care of my kids, lost 11 pounds, my mind was racing, and I felt completely hopeless.  It is not a good feeling and with the kids it is even worse I know.  Please know that whatever happens in the end (if you do get a divorce) that you will be okay.  You will be happy again one day whether it be together or apart.  My ex cheated on me with our sons daycare teacher and he wanted a divorce.  i was devastated, but i got through it and now 2 1/2 months after my divorce has been final i am doing really well.  yeah it stinks that i am divorced, but i am much better off where i am today than being with him.  our children did so well through all of the transitions...they really did not flinch.  show them that you love them and that you (and hopefully your husband) will always be there for them to care for them and love them.  As for you....take care of yourself....talk to friends/family and get support.  i could barely care for my kids when we first separated so have people help you.  just know that you are not alone....many people have been there before or are going through it now as you are.  also if you are having panic attacks see a doctor.  i had a horrible one and went on medication for a few weeks just to take the edge off and get some sleep.  i suggest you do the same.  take care of yourself.....

I'm really sorry you're going through this.  I don't have any words of wisdom to offer, but just know that good thoughts and vibes are coming your way.

I feel what you are going through.  It is devastating.  It is difficult.  It is hard for your children. You are in a state of shock and crisis.  DO NOT MAKE ANY MAJOR DECISIONS OR CHANGES.  Your heart and brain are not working well together right now.  So you started smoking again.  Big deal.  You will quit again when you are ready. (I did the same thing) Take your day hour by hour if you have to. Cry...a lot, let the emotions come as they may.  Your husband and you need to sit down with the kids together and explain to them what is going on and why...so they understand.  5 yr old is afraid that you will leave too.  Love them and hug them and let them know that you are absolutely under no circumstance going to leave them...ever.  Surround yourself with family and friends.  Do not do this alone.  The roller coaster of emotions has just started.  get yourself into see a counselor now!!  Get your kids into therapy soon.  You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids.  People on this web site have been through and are going through the same issues.  It has been my life raft.  If you have hit rock bottom...It is only looking up from here.  It will get eaiser.  I am 7 months from when  my husband left after 18 years.  I still have days of self pity and sorrow and grief.  It is a natural process.  Let it Happen.  Right now everything is Raw and you and your kids are hurting. Be brave and ask for help when you need it.  You are in my prayers and thoughts.  (((((((HUG)))))))