Though your spouse should put you first, I don't think it's his responsibility to play mediator between you and his BFF. You are both adults. If you don't like the way his BFF is treating  you, it's your responsibility to set boundaries for what is and is not acceptable. Standing up in a calm yet firm manner will assert that you are not going anywhere to the BFF and will also alert your spouse to the fact that you have limits and are not afraid to vocalize when those limits have been pushed.

I think the spouse needs to be put first before the BFF. Your spouse should be your BFF.

Ok i read this one and i wil stay out of it,but,i had a good friend who did the same thing,even my brother,14 years later of marriage,i should have listen to them,but i don't agree of being put down,i always stuck up for my x no matter what and even told her brothers off and she thank me,just the way i am,i`m talking to my brother,have not seen my friend in 13 years,i don't believe in baggering woman,just not my style.i will open the car door for you no matter what happens,but just don't talk to me for a couple hrs,lol.

I agree with Mtnvly and Rich.  He married you.  When he did so, he chose you as his number one.  BFF has to respect that and take the number two spot.  If he's not respecting you, then your husband is obliged to make sure he does.  However, if your husband doesn't respect you enough to stand up for you, then maybe you ought to think about replacing HIM.  You're a free human being, not a slave, not property.  He doesn't own you, and you deserve at least the basic respect due any human being.

Oh, I have one of those...my husband has a guy he went to high school college and med school with - they are more like brothers when it comes down to it - but he loathes me - mainly because of my profession, and he cracks jokes at my expense when he is around and generally is a pain in the butt. I'm not too fond of him either...

but, I also realize that he was in his life far before me - and this guy represents a huge part of my husband's life I wasn't a part of and you aren't going to like everyone you come in contact with in life.

I look at it like this, if you were in an office and had a co-worker you didn't like - you couldn't go to your boss and demand they get fired just because they annoy you. You just limit your involvement with him. 

You can't ultimatum your husband, that isn't fair - and you are a big girl, you can stand up for yourself, or choose to just ignore him, like you are taught as a child when it comes to bullys. 

Let him have his male bonding buddy, they have a connection we as women can't possibly understand. Counter rude remarks with a poker stare. Blank and expressionless. Sticks n stones...you let him upset you, then he is getting what he wants - don't give him the playground bully satisfaction.

You win anyway - he married you despite what his friend thinks...divorce him over his firend you only get half, stay with him until death, you get everything...and knowing it is torture for this guy to know you are together...lol

come to think of it, wasn't it generally the case in elementary school that if a boy was a jerk to you he liked you? You might want to tease him with that...

"ignore him kids, he just wishes he got to marry me and not your daddy..." blow him a kiss and walk out of the room...

 

I agree with mtnvly.
I don't care if he considers this person a BFF. What the heck are you??? You simply must clear this up with him. If he is unwilling to side with you then I think it is time to move on. I don't think a marriage is healthy when a spouse has more regard for a friend then they do for their partner.