The Root of Our Problem

Our marriage has overcome many differences, except one...my wife's son. At the beginning of our relationship, he was 15. He is now 20. When I first wanted to marry his Mom, I asked him if it would be ok. I thought this was a good thing to do. He was happy about it. Once married, my wife and I discussed disipline and household chores and resposibilities. She was never one to discipline...always wanted to be a friend, so she said I could be the heavy handed one.

Through time, each and everytime I did give a punishment for something he had did (I tried to set forth a punishment to fit the crime so to speak) my wife normally would disagree with it, argue with me about it....all in front of him. He is smart and used this. My wife disagrees. At one point, he was going off to college and we were not speaking to each other....and I felt in order to make things right between him and I and my wife, that I should apologize to him for some of the things I had done or said. We shook hands and all seemed ok. For awhile.

He came home from college to stay with us for the summer. The only rules we gave him was to let us know if he would be out for the night, not to have people over while we were gone, clean up after himself and not to eat in the bedroom. He was 19 at the time, and one night about 2 am I woke up and he was eating BBQ chicken in the bedroom and there was an open 30 pack of Bud on the dresser. He of course was a little drunk.

I got upset, demanded he go into the kitchen to eat. He of course was mad, voiced it, and my wife got up to see what was going on. In the kitchen, she talked to him, he talked very loudly and then I came in with the beer. I told him he was underage, and this would not be in my house. He wanted to store it in his truck. My wife agreed with this! I said "no" and began pouring it down the drain. He got really upset and shoved me. I smirked at him, because I couldn't believe what he was doing. This mad him even more angry and he began punching me in the head. I did not retaliate against him nor did I say one word to him. I wasn't afraid of him.....I knew if I lost my tempre things would get even more ugly.

I called the police and the entire time I was on the phone with the dispatcher, he continued to land punched on my head. My wife tried to stay in front of him, but he would just reach around her or push her aside. To make a long story short, the police arrived and said I had two choices: have him arrested on felony domestic abuse charges or have him leave the house. I knew if I had him arrested....the marriage was over. I opted to have him leave. This he did....and so did my wife. They left at the same time, but in two different vehicles. I went to the hospital and had an MRI done because my head and swelled up so much.

One year later: He has never apologized for his actions nor does he feel he did anything wrong. I have not allowed him back into the house. I told my wife I needed an apology and then I would start letting him come over to visit or have dinner and such. This was not good enough. On Thanksgiving, she wanted him here, so I said "ok" only if I could meet him at the door and say a few things to him. She agreed and I told her what I was going to say. Needless to say, when he arrived and I started speaking...he bowed up on me and told me not to start problems, turned and left. This of course was all my fault according to my wife.

My wife feels this isnt her home any longer and her son should be allowed to come here as he pleases and even live here during the summer. She feels I have a grudge against him and can't understand why I just can't forgive him and forget about what happened. She left me a few weeks ago hoping I would change my mind. I have no intention of doing that.

So it has come down to this: divorce. I would like some opinions (good or bad) as to what I have missed. I thought I had did the right thing.

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