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The following is a journal entry that I posted last week. I thought more people might get a chance to see it if I posted it as a dilemma. I'd be interested in knowing what other people think about this idea.I'm convinced that the skyrocketing divorce rate is not a problem. It is an overdue solution to a problem that has existed for a very long time. I'm certain that there are no more "bad marriages" now than there were 60 years ago. It's just that 60 years ago, people didn't do anything about them. The times were different. Roles were more clearly defined, and as long as partners performed their roles adequately, their marriage was okay. Couples were dependent on each other, not for love as much as security. Really good marriages were still rare, but you had a whole lot of unhappy marriages, with no true and lasting love in them, that stayed that way. But with the women's movement, equal rights, sexual equality, and an economy that encourages both partners to work (all of which are good things) the roles of husbands and wives have changed. They are no longer clearly defined. As a result, love, not security, has become the binding component of the marriage. Compatibility has become essential. And where love and compatibility don't exist, there is nothing to hold the marriage together, except pride and stubbornness, both of which are negative qualities. The culture has also changed. Fewer people are too proud to admit when they're wrong. More people are willing to acknowledge their mistakes and try again. What we haven't figured out is where children fit into all of this. If we could figure that out, I'd bet that the divorce rate would take another big jump.I once heard about the results of an informal radio survey. 85% of the respondents who were married less than 15 years replied that, if they had it to do over again, they would not marry the same person. I think that may be close to correct. Imagine that. If 50% of marriages end in divorce, 70% of the ones that remain could be unhappy. That's a lot of miserable people who are staying together "for the kids", or "because God says it's wrong", or for some other reason. No wonder mental health is such a problem. I can't imagine there are enough counselors to go around.
The following is a journal entry that I posted last week. I thought more people might get a chance to see it if I posted it as a dilemma. I'd be interested in knowing what other people think about this idea.
I'm convinced that the skyrocketing divorce rate is not a problem. It is an overdue solution to a problem that has existed for a very long time. I'm certain that there are no more "bad marriages" now than there were 60 years ago. It's just that 60 years ago, people didn't do anything about them. The times were different. Roles were more clearly defined, and as long as partners performed their roles adequately, their marriage was okay. Couples were dependent on each other, not for love as much as security. Really good marriages were still rare, but you had a whole lot of unhappy marriages, with no true and lasting love in them, that stayed that way. But with the women's movement, equal rights, sexual equality, and an economy that encourages both partners to work (all of which are good things) the roles of husbands and wives have changed. They are no longer clearly defined. As a result, love, not security, has become the binding component of the marriage. Compatibility has become essential. And where love and compatibility don't exist, there is nothing to hold the marriage together, except pride and stubbornness, both of which are negative qualities. The culture has also changed. Fewer people are too proud to admit when they're wrong. More people are willing to acknowledge their mistakes and try again. What we haven't figured out is where children fit into all of this. If we could figure that out, I'd bet that the divorce rate would take another big jump.
I once heard about the results of an informal radio survey. 85% of the respondents who were married less than 15 years replied that, if they had it to do over again, they would not marry the same person. I think that may be close to correct. Imagine that. If 50% of marriages end in divorce, 70% of the ones that remain could be unhappy. That's a lot of miserable people who are staying together "for the kids", or "because God says it's wrong", or for some other reason. No wonder mental health is such a problem. I can't imagine there are enough counselors to go around.