Chrisy, say it with me...

 

Abuse, abuse, abuse.

 

Unfortunately, you have fallen into a pattern common with most people who are victimized by physical/emnotional abuse -- you attempt to find justification for your abusers actions, usually by statrting with your own actions.  Don't beat yourself up about that fact -- it is a natural response for most victims. 

 

Just realize that, regardless of his upbringing, regardless of the stressors in his life, regardless of even your own behaviors that may be legitimately invoking his pattern of abuse -- REGARDLESS, NOTHING justifies physical or emotional abuse.  There are ways to express anger and disappointment and sadness that do not involve hitting, strangling, or anything else.

 

Contact your local agency for abused and exploited spouses and find out what you need to do from a professional to get out and get help.  And I agree... don't let another man into your life at this point.  Believe me (as I have been there myself) no long-term good can come of it until you fix things in your own life first.

 

Hugs.

Chrisy, this is abuse. As clear as day... and you and your kids need to get out. My wife was the same way. It's abuse that you can't stay in.

this is abuse.  you are putting yourself, your children and grandchildren in danger being around someone like this. get out and stay out.  there are abuse help lines available 24/7. please call them .  the white box on this page called state divorce laws has phone numbers and websites.  first, do you have family or friends you can go live with?  you also need to notify the police about what has happened and maybe get a restraining order.  abuse is never your fault and you should never take chances with someone who is abusing you.

Trisha is right.  No matter what you may or may not have done, any action that threatens your well being (either physical or mental) is abuse.  I don't agree with your relationship on the side, but that's no excuse, and no reason you should accept physical harm as "just punishment." 

You need to get yourself to a safe place.  If you don't know where to find one,  click the "state divorce laws and calculator" link on the right, then click, "abuse help, " the hotline # is listed there.

It sounds like your marriage has hit a tree. you both need to decide whether it's worth salvaging, and if it is, you both need to work at it. There are some serious anger and trust issues to deal with on both sides. I firmly believe that things can be worked through most of the time, but physical abuse is never an answer.  He needs to know that if you're going to work it out, he needs to control his anger.

On the other hand, you will need to focus on your marriage and not the other relationship.  If neither one of you is willing to do this, then it's best to just move out before someone really gets hurt.

Yes, it is abuse. You need to contact your local abuse shelter and start seeing a counselor. The kids too. Document everything by calling the police and then get a restraining order. You need to back away from this other man until you are free from you husband. If he cares he will be waiting.