Is he just manipulating, not getting it, or am i over reacting?

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, we have children.  For the past 5 years or so, we have contemplated divorcing several times.  We are on our 4th counselor, the first 3 we didn't stick with because husband felt it was a waste of time and money. After approximately 3 1/2 months of me scheduling the appointments with the 4th counselor I have now left husband with responsibility of making appts, because again he feels like it is going no where.  I feel like everything has to be his way or no way.  He often asks my opinion but regardless of what I say, he continues on with what he had planned.  He has become very short tempered with me, and with the kids.  He has never physically hurt me, but I am uncomfortable with leaving the kids with him.  He often tells me if I would just act happy and affectionate, everything would be fine.  I have asked him 5 times over the past 2 weeks to make a list of the things he feels I could change about my self or do differently to improve our relationship, he still hasn't done it, and has not scheduled the counselor for three weeks now.  He informed me a few days ago that the counselor was a waste of time, and made fun of the way the counsellor talks.  I told him if he did not like the counselor, maybe he should find another one.  Over the years I have asked him to help more with the kids, and to be more understanding that they are kids, he gets angry alot with them.  He has subtly mentioned that he won't live without his kids, and tells me I am selfish to consider divorce.  On one hand I think I should try harder, and maybe it is just me and my attitude, but on the other hand I feel like at this point he hasn't made any changes, and I should at least seperate.  I am feeling very drained and confused.  I don't know what the best choice is.  He seems to be continuing on like usual as if nothing is wrong.  We barely talk, because it starts a fight.  We talked a few days ago, he cried and said he has no one to talk to, and feels alone, and like there is nothing left between us, and doesn't know what to do, his words were he hates his life right now.  Now I am feeling guilty that maybe I should just shut up and let it all go.(Maybe this situation isn't as big a deal as I think)  

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