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6/18/2008 10:10:37 AM
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This is the deal!

Here's the deal on us REALLY...
My husband works out of town every week, he's only home on the weekends. He feels that working out of town is so hard on him(you know being waited on at resterarunts and my bed, room and laundry being done for me)-yeah I have a hard time beliveing it is SOOO horrible-but anyway so when he is gone-who is pulling ALL the weight around here? ME-I'm not bitter about that-I would just like alittle appreciation for that. I work a full time job-being responsible for 15+ minds every day(teaching), then I come home 2 nights to baseball/basketball/socceer practice, 1 day a week for Awana, 1 day for a game and I am also pursuing my Masters degree which takes my last day of the week. So after I work-run around and maybe get to spend an hour with my babies-when I am not completely dragging butt--then I go to bed-my hubbie comes home on the weekend and wants to golf-play softball-hunt and do all those things that he hasn't gotten to do all week since he was out of town-so then again who does that leave at home-ME! MY sister always says that you do not have to put your kids in so much but in reality they are not in that much-they are always in 1 sport and 1 sport only per season(with it just comes practice and games) and then church one night a week-that is not a heavy load for a family however it is for a single mom which is what I feel like alot of the time. So in some ways my kids have not even realized that daddy has been gone for 3-4 weeks-b/c he is never home anyways.
I don't mean to be so whinny but I am just so exahuated!! I am only 25 and I feel like I'm 45! I don't get to go do those things I enjoyed before marriage yet my husband still gets too. 
by Candi   18 Posts
Posted on 6/11/2008 10:10 AM
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Comments for "divorce360.com | This is the deal!"  (7) (You must be logged in to answer)
Hey 2much 42long. Everyone of your comments or questions are ones that I have asked myself-but they so made me cry to be reminded of them yet again-Which I needed to do. I need to remember that when I am not telling him what we need to do or what he should do-and he is left to respond and react on his own than that usually ends up with ....yeah a whole lot of spending time without me. It hurts to think of him not wanting to spending time with me but I guess that is kind of what it is at times. B/c I have asked that exact question and suggested that he surprise me with a sitter and dinner out sometime but he has NEVER done that,
I do think he loves me.
And the money is not any better on the road then a job here at hime-other than more overtime. But I have said this many times and I actually just told the counselor this when I met with her on Monday- my hubbie is GOOD-no he is GREAT at a lot of things, parenting, sports and WORK but he is not good at talking and communicating and suppline my needs, so he throws himself into those things that he is good at and ignores the things he is not good at?! Does that make sense?
Thanks so much for your thoughtful input-I look forward to hearing from you again!
by Candi   18 Posts
Posted on 6/18/2008 4:04 PM
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Well, all three of the votes you've given us are a negative reflection on you, and I don't think that's fair.  You are entitled to some respite when he comes home, and if he's not giving it to you then he needs to.  Counseling may help there.  It also sounds like he's not very interested in spending time with you.  True?  When he's home, does he ever suggest getting a sitter so that you and he can have time together?  Has your intimacy suffered?  When you are together, are you happy?  If he's working out of town so much, he must be making good money or it wouldn't be worth it.  You should be able to afford some time together.

Also ask yourself how things would change if you separated.  I can't imagine it would make your life less hectic or demanding.  It all boils down to whether you love him or not, and whether he loves you.  Running yourself ragged and being in love beats the hell out of running  yourself ragged and not being in love.
by 2much42long   1144 Posts
Posted on 6/18/2008 1:12 PM
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Candi,

     I agree he needs to help when ever he can, golfing and hunting unless done with the kids isn't sharing in the children's best interest.  Before you go any farther in the separation (I know it's a little late now), communicate all of what you are thinking to him and if it is a true marriage he will make concessions and compromises to strengthen the marriage.  If not  your playing second fiddle to his tee time, then it's time to put on those big girl pants and roll with it... 
by blee   96 Posts
Posted on 6/14/2008 9:54 PM
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I appreciate all the comments, so many of which I hear from my friends that truly know me and our situtaion.
I have talked to him-screamed at him-ignored him-cried to him-we have so been there-though he has only been working out of town for about 1 and 1/2 years he has always been better at  escaping to do "his thing" than I have. And I don't blame him for that- I know that probably sounds pretty crazy but I don't want him to NOT work-I 100% agree with the economy comment-you are totally correct. I have just not had my needs met nor had much help since baby no 2 came along and our son got involved in activites. He is a good guy he is just NOT a companion, a listening, an appreciateor-he never compliments me, or tells me thank you or ....I don;t know i just feel hollow when he looks at me now.-I feel nothing and that makes me sad.
and yes we are seperated
by Candi   18 Posts
Posted on 6/11/2008 12:18 PM
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Actually marriage should be 150/150 .
It is tough, I know. I have been doing it ALL by myself. Even when my kids father was alive he was of little help. Refused to get a better paying job so that we would not be poverty level and would not allow me to work.
The hustle of single momhood is grueling. It feels like you give until you can give no more.
Are you separated? It seems as though by your statements that you may not be. If you aren't then push for some counseling. He has to understand how tough it is for you.
If you are then he needs to take his time with the kids occasionally then you can have some "me" time. You may need to hire a sitter if he won't. Go to a day spa or just get a manicure/pedicure>
Life is not easy with kids. While they are small you run with your feet. When they become teens and are involved(which is a must to try to keep them out of trouble) you become a taxi.
Spend as much time as you can with them. But try to realize you are only human and can only do so much. I know, I have the supermom syndrome also.
by mtnvly   2423 Posts
Posted on 6/11/2008 12:04 PM
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i get that the "single mom during the week" life blows and I think it is fair to say "when do I get to play golf and hunt and stuff?" - but part of me says let it go, with the economy these days, he's lucky to have a job, you know?
by blindasabat   5 Posts
Posted on 6/11/2008 11:01 AM
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ideally, marriage is 50/50.  that gets split up in many different ways....but if you're not happy, you need to talk to him.  maybe he's not happy working this much. maybe you two could figure out a way to downsize your life and work less...but be around for your kids?
by paula1   5972 Posts
Posted on 6/11/2008 10:18 AM
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