1 Last Chance?

Go figure that when I decided on which day I would be going down to the courthouse to file for divorce, my husband decides that after 8 years of me pleading and begging, he is "willing" to try couples counseling, even though he "does not really agree with the entire idea".

What a way to literally send me into a silent shock - I almost did actually fall off my chair when he told me - and now I'm really trying to figure out just whether or not I'm even willing to do it now.

My therapist gave me a referral to a counselor to do couples therapy, which was wonderful because he took into consideration what my husband would probably NOT be comfortable with, and he nailed it on the head even though he has never met my husband (gee, maybe I actually do know my husband fairly well and explain it so others understand him as well).  My therapist would love to be our counselor, but since he has seen me privately for the last 7 months, it would seem just a little too biased in my husband's eyes (my husband agreed with that statement).  My therapist had a woman therapist lined up but then recanted that one because he though my husband would feel that, again, a woman might be just too biased regarding my issues with him and not biased enough regarding his issues of me (again, my husband completely agreed with that statement).

In the end, my therapist gave me a name of a male therapist that would fit into our work schedules and gave me the unfortunate task (well, it would depend on how you look at it) of passing the phone number onto my husband with the thought that if he is really wanting to do counseling that HE will be the one to schedule the initial meeting.  For the most part in my marriage, I am the one that schedules things like this (doctor appointments and such) and even remind my husband of appointments he has made for himself (per his request - it is something I have always disliked, but hey, to keep the peace I'll play secretary for him instead of forcing him to write down on a calendar the appointments HE makes for himself), so in my therapist's words, this was going to be a huge step in overcoming some of my co-dependant nuturing issues.

Giving my husband the phone number was difficult, I will tell you that, and as I had expected, he was not thrilled when I said that he was the one to call and set up the appointment.  When I mentioned what my therapist had told me (per my therapist telling me to "blame him" (my therapist, not my husband) for my request), my husband's reaction was a defiant "I'm NOT going to take orders from YOUR therapist".

In the end, I explained it so my husband's initial disgust at being told what to do was softened to more of a dissapointment that I do not want to continue to be "forcing" him into anything that he might end up resenting me for later.  It has happened before, when it came to buying our house and even having kids, to where he gave me the "go ahead" because he was "willing" but I had to do all the work (well, in actually having the sex to have kids, it was NOT all my work. LOL) and then it came back that he resented that and he felt like I forced him into something when he wasn't ready.

So, the big thing right now, is how long do I wait for him to call the therapist?  Do I give him a time line to do that?  Do I just call it quits with his initial reaction to giving him the responsibility to make the appointment?

And the all ever question that only I can answer...Is this just "too little, too late" for me?  Do I really want to go to counseling now after all this time and effort?

Go figure - I decided on something (to actually divorce), was actually going to follow through with it, knowing full well that I had done everything I could do, and feeling okay with knowing that, then this bombshell.  This is the way it goes sometimes 

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