why do i want her to come back??? why cant i let go and move on

i lost my first wife over five years ago ,,i still had one child left at home ,but i was very lonely , then i met someone and got married within six months ,, i guess i really didnt know who she was....i am retired and stay at home to raise my son (15) she also had a daughter who is now 10 and my wife worked at the same job for over 20years...stable or so i thought...well she got into trouble altering perscriptions and got disaplined for all of this and had to stay out of work for 9 months only to get her job back....welll , this time , my son as with all kids i think , went snooping around and found a lot of pills in her dresser ,, he took some of them and tryef to sell them but got caught the very first time ,,well he told the police were he got them and they told me i had two options ,, bring them to them or to have them break in my door and tear the house apart..needless to say i turned in the rest of the pills ...after about 3 months the (police) came back to the house and arrested her...she couldnt get bailed out for a week ????and when she did she came home , packed some stuff and left...of course it was all my son`s fault and mine . no responsibility on her part...complete denial .....but for some reason i cant seem to let go ...i have only e-mail to communicate with her as i ahve no idea were she is or with whom...i ask her to come back and that i will stand with her no matter what happens but , no go ,,she is not ready to deal with me ..well it has been three months and i know thati should just let her go but i cant...this week is our anns....(2 years) and i cant stand it..the depresson is really starting to take it toll on me ...i just as soon as go on to the next world....any help????? 

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