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3/27/2008 3:08:07 PM

Read more posts in group: Bipolar/personality disorder/alcoholic spouses

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Should I or Should I Not Divorce My Bio-Polar Husband

I know this will seem like a slam dunk answer to most, but it isn’t to me. I don’t know if I should get a divorce.

 

My husband and I have been together for three years and we have two beautiful kids, but are marriage hasn’t been easy. I knew that when I married my husband that I was marrying someone with severe bipolar disorder, along with some other mental problems. I always told my husband that as long as he always tried to help himself that I would stay in the marriage, and I honored that promise. I honored that promise through all his manic and depressive cycles that ended in him abusing me and himself. Through all his cycles he said that he would never actually hit me, well that changed seven months ago.

 

He hit me, and I didn’t leave when I should have. Now, when he does have cycles they are so extreme that my daughters get scared every time he remotely gets angry. After seven months of me fighting depression, building an emotional wall to protect myself, losing love and trust for my husband and finally finding myself again - I finally asked for divorce

 

My husband asked me for one more chance and it is hard because I know he is ill. It is hard because I have two little daddy’s girls who love their father more than anyone. It is hard because I know he loves me at the very most he is capable of, and I am afraid of what he would do to himself if we did get a divorce.

 

I don’t trust him anymore. I have tried to get that trust and love back, and I can’t get it back. I have asked for us to go to counseling together – he refuses. He also refuses to get help for himself. He says he doesn’t need to go to a counselor or doctor because has a new found love for his family. This new found love has led to extreme paranoia to where he keeps me from going out anywhere without him, and he has even called my male friends in the middle of the night demanding they never speak to me anymore.

 

The absolute hardest part is that the manic/depressive cycles don’t last long, and it is the in-between times where he is the man of my dreams. At sometimes he is everything I have ever wanted and more.

 

I have no family near by, and I just moved to a new town with very few friends. I need support, help and advice.

 


by e40m20   3 Posts
Posted on 3/20/2008 2:08 PM

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Comments for "divorce360.com | Should I or Should I Not Divorce My Bio-Polar Husband"  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)




I was with my exhusband for 20 years.  He is also bipolar and an alcoholic.   We have been divorced for just over two years.  I stayed with him through all his ups and downs, which there were many.  During the last few years of our marriage, I was misdiagnosed as "chronically depressed" and was on so many meds I was honestly a "walking zombie".  My husband eventually threatened to become physically abusive as well. At that time I finally had the courage to divorce him.  He had convinced our children the "problem" was me, so they chose to live with him.  After our divorce, I stopped taking my meds and quickly went down hill.  I was rediagonsed as being bipolar as well.  I am currently stable.  FINALLY! Unfortunately, he is not.  He recently threw my 19 yr old son out, so he is now living with me. I now know what it is to be in both positions.  His sucks, as does yours.  My only suggestion is to do what you have to to make sure YOU and your children are safe.  If he refuses to get help or take his meds as prescribed, you have to get out.  In my experience, it will not get any better until he takes responsibility for his health.  Some bipolar people are abusive during an episode, some are not.  You need to let him know that, in no uncertain terms, will you allow him to hurt you or your children.  No matter what state hs's in.  Good Luck and lots of prayers to both of you.
by KatieC   12 Posts
Posted on 6/29/2008 7:05 PM
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e40m20:
I was married to a bipolar person . I just found your post or I would have posted to it sooner.
I know exactly how you feel. I have been there and done that. It is so hard when you love someone and they deal with mental illness. I too thought about what Vicki said: would you divorce then if they had a different illness? That was one of the hardest things for me. I knew that he loved me. He did the best that he could but would not stay medicated so that he could be functional. He would have drinking binges( because that slows the mania) then he would sink into depression. My kids and I walked on eggshells here, sound drove him nuts. When he was medicated he gained weight, when he wasn't, well you know...
My advise to you is that if you feel unsafe to separate and insist on counseling. It may help if he is willing to try. But it did not work for us. My ex was unable to do the things requested by the counselors, and there were many. He shoved my youngest son and we separated soon after.
The anger that he dealt with is hard to live with. He was either severely depressed or manic and crazy. I was with him one night when he actually rammed another car because they blocked him in. His mother helped none, she knew his tendancies and did what he wanted to pacify him.
Follow your heart. It is a tough decision to make but you HAVE to take care of you and your kids.
We attempted to reconcile 2 years after separation but I finally realized that it was not going to work and filed for divorce.
I wish that I would have seen your post sooner.
Let us know what is going on.
by mtnvly   2299 Posts
Posted on 6/10/2008 12:51 PM
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would this be a question if he had heart disease or another illness?  bipolar is an illness and he needs support and help....i would insist he seek additional help and medication asap...and make sure you and your children are 100% safe at all times.  tell him, when he is not suffering, that he must follow your terms, getting help, therapy, additional medications or you will be forced to leave to protect your children.
by Vicki   854 Posts
Posted on 3/20/2008 4:23 PM
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