My BIGGEST problem... and the biggest LESSON I've learned
Throughout these 12 months i have encountered an enormous problem. This problem makes me angry, keeps me up at night, and stresses me out even more. My problem is family. I know, I know. I should be thankful to have a support system. What happens though, when my support system starts to act more like a general in the Army? You see my issue? I've never been one to be told what to do, that's one of the main reasons why I left the ex. So, when my family starts with their "advice" I start to cringe. Literally, their advice, or one family member in particular, is always asking me "OMG! What are you going to do?!" or "I think you should (fill in the blank)" or "My friend went through a divorce and she did this so you need to call that lawyer of yours and get her to do that. NOW!" or she calls me up hysterical, "I just can't sleep! I just can't deal with my life knowing you're going through so much! How could they do this to us?!" This family member also likes to make little insults, but they're clever insults. I call them the "Ninja Insults." They're insults, made with a laugh and a smile. They're insults that are meant to really dig. The other insults aren't necessarily insults, but they make me annoyed. Like telling me what kind of car payment I can afford, rent I can afford, how I need to budget, and other stupid silly things.The most embarrassing thing that happened was when my family member offered me a ride to a meeting with my lawyer because my car was in the shop. I was in my lawyers office and this family member comes storming in and starts to ask questions on my behalf! I was livid. I'm talking, smoke coming out of my ears, face red, hands shaking, and talking through my teeth. I just had enough. I met my breaking point. I was so tired of being treated like a child who has had no experience with life. I was sick of people handling my problems, when I never asked them too. I don't know if it's me pushing back and trying to gain control over my life or what it is really. But when I start to feel like i''m being controlled, I go into survival mode. I make it very clear I'm a grown woman, an adult and I can handle my life. But, I'm a very sarcastic person and I have a very witty sense of humor, so needless to say, I wasn't taken so seriously. After months of this behavior from this family member, (who, by the way, works in the same office as my ex mother-in-law and this family member of course takes it upon herself to insert herself in MY tornado of issues and completely flips waffles at the XMIL whenever the X starts doing his circus tricks.) So, after months of this, I finally spoke. I stuck up for myself! I felt like a balloon being poked with a pin. Except I didn't fly around the room, I just let it out point blank. It just felt GOOD. I soon realized I could apply this new attitude to a lot people in my life, poor schmucks. I wasn't worried about them leaving anymore. I realized if they take offense to me telling them how I will not be treated, then I'll hold the door open for them for them walk out. I realized, Hey I'm going through enough and some of these people are just feeding off my drama. They're literally twisting what's happening to me and somehow making it apply to them. (I'm still confused about that) I need to set boundaries or tell them I can't be around them until this is over. It's time to take care of me. It's time to not be scared of the erratic reactions because frankly, I don't care. i learned from all of this, I control who is around me. I control how I'm treated. If people have a problem with it, well, this is MY life and I have a VOICE. Lesson learned.