My kid has to listen to this crap 

My PC is just crazy tonight.  I ment "children must grow". 

I raised 3 successful sons and they need COPY, COPY......secrity, love (of course) and excitement.  We as parents must help them seek good excitement, otherwise they will find it on their own and it will be mostly (?) BAD.  Do your best, you can never go wrong by having that mindset.     KO

Children are extremely intelligent.  You as parents must keep your children free of all problems.  This is of utmost importance, do not think any less of this counsel.  Our children mu groww within a wholesome environment or else they will have dificultties dealing with parents baggage

Unfortunately, you cannot control your ex's mouth. Your kiddo knows what you are and are not, and also knows dad isn't being nice. 

My son was talking with his dad on the phone one day (or I should say getting a lecture because stbx didn't want to keep my son on his cell phone plan), and I heard my son say, "I'm not comfortable with you talking about mom that way."  Yep...had to pretty much tell dad...I don't buy your crap about mom.

One day your child will "get it."  Peace...

Yep I go through that I hate to know what my 6 yr old says. In other words I know that desparaging remarks are made about me when my son calls me the stupid fat motherf*****. Of course she denies any language and any negative behavior. So they blame all this on me and of course they are totally wrong for doing that.

The best thing is you dont have to live with the ex and this woman can figure out for herself what all she needs to. Your son will inadvertantly let you know if any negative language is being said. It all comes out in the wash. So just enjoy your new life without Mr. Fancypants.

Good Luck
Greg

Did it occur to you that gf might be comparing her "stable influence" not to you, but to whatever other female your ex might bring around if she left?

Also, remember that she is rationalizing why she is putting up with his cheating.  She is trying to turn her weakness into a virtue, for her friends who think she should dump your ex. That doesn't mean she believes what he says about you, and it certainly does not mean they are saying such stuff in front of your kid.

So don't assume he is hearing this.  As you say, don't ask him about it, but keep an ear open for any sign they might be badmouthing you to him.  Short of that, just let it go.

The best thing really is to shield yourself from reading or hearing any 3rd-hand accounts (rumors) of what goes on in your ex's home.  It's not "actionable intelligence" so all it does is create worry and frustration.

Iam- now THAT is the kind of perspective we could all use sometimes.  Glad for your son that he has you.  
I have to go hug my kiddo now... back in a bit!

There's a technical phrase for knowing one thing to be true and believing the complete opposite:  it's called "self mind-fucking".  LOL  Yup, that's technical.

 

My ex has no problem telling the gf I'm a drug-abusing, child-abusing, money-grubbing, lying, scheming, blah blah blah.  But yet, I will tell you that in the end  I can live with myself.   Here's why.

 

Last weekend a kid at the high school shot and killed himself.  His parents had gone through a divorce last year.  He had been facing a disordly conduct charge, firt-time offender, nothing serious.  He had been displaying some signs of depression.  And he killed himself.  He was one of my younger son's good friends.  So it hit home HARD.

 

But not only that.  Remember when my older son was struggling with depression?  He had gotten arrested and was facing criminal charges?   My ex was ready to throw him under the bus.  I said, "NO.  He needs drug treatment.  He needs to see a mental health professional.  He needs to be on suicide watch."  (He had told his brother he was thinking of ending it all.) 

 

I called my ex and said "We have to do something RIGHT NOW."  The ex dismissed me.  The gf dismissed me.  I called the police and the hospital and FORCED my ex to take him in to the ER for an emergency evaluation.  He got the counseling, drug treatment, and reassurance he needed.  He is alive and well three years later. 

 

So, I may be a drug-abusing, child-abusing misfit of a mom (according to the ex and the gf.)  But my son is ALIVE today because of my "meddling". 

 

Bottom line:  let the ex and the gfs think what they want.  In the end, I don't have to visit my kiddo in the cemetery. 

My kiddoe made a comment during our last visit.  They know the reality of the relationship.  The sad part is the kiddoes have to learn two different lifestyles and adapt and improvise to overcome the hurt.  Just hug the child every chance you can.  Stay the adult and be well.