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Your Kids DO Notice 

Your kids do notice how you interact with your ex. I know this because my daughter told me the other day that she was so glad her dad and I got along. I said yeah, it was nice that we do....but, we'd probably never be friends. She looked at me like I had lost my mind and said, "You talk to one another like friends do." I didn't even think about that. We had just spent about 30 minutes at her dad's house waiting for her brother to get home from school. My ex was home. We did talk. I didn't realize my daughter saw it as talk between friends. Yes, I know that many here can't have that kind of relationship with their ex. Because of abuse, control or you just plain divorced a horse's ass, it will never happen. But, your interactions don't always have to be contentious. In fact, in those cases, the less contact you have, the better. However, sometimes, you do have to exchanges words of some sort- whether it's a text message, phone call or email. Just know that whatever it is, your kids are paying close attention. I don't have any great advice for how to make it better. I just know that kids are worse than dogs when it comes to hearing certain tones.....especially when they come from a broken home.
by Dactyl  5834 Posts 

Posted on 2/23/2012 10:09 AM
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Tags: kids , tone
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Comments for "Your Kids DO Notice"  (8) (You must be logged in to answer)

Children at any age notice how their parents react to each other....recently I changed cars with my ex...my son was there ...he is 22 years old....my friend was with me....my ex and me talked civil...my son hugged me before he left and said I am so glad you were civil to each other....

So what you did was great...showing them we are not together but have common ground (meaning the children)....that is the most important aspect of the change...

Have a great day and keep doing what you are doing!!!
by Joyful   2705 Posts
Posted on 2/24/2012 1:03 PM

You are so lucky to have some kind of relationship with your ex.  Mine consists of, I am here.  This works on both sides of the pick up and drop off.  Yes it sucks but it works and my girls know that I am there biggest fan.  Be well.
by Jamesalone   4927 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2012 10:50 PM

I simply divorced a horse's ass...LOL
by Iam   7316 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2012 9:36 PM

My son has extreme anger issues with his mom so I make it a point to be civil and polite as I make sure that he knows there is a place and a way to get your point across without allowing your emotions to control you to a point that you are out of control.

Hopefully one day she will reconcile her relationship with him and in order to for this to happen I do not want my actions to be an excuse for them to remain hostile towards each other throughout their lives after our divorce.
by gregory1969   1991 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2012 8:26 PM

It is SO great that you and your ex have that.  For your own sanity and for your kids.  Congrats to you for that. 

by wtf   352 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2012 11:34 AM

My ex and I never fought in front of the kids, and have continued that.  We can almost always get through issues like medical reimbursement and visitation scheduling without getting cross.  Several times in the last year, we actually carpooled 2 hours each way to a specialist, with our youngest in the back seat, and made pleasant small talk.

But she's not my friend.  I don't consider her an enemy, either.  I just would prefer not to have to spend time with her or talk to her.  Because although I am capable of being civil, even friendly, it wears me out.  It takes away my capacity to be patient and loving with my children and my new family.

I'm not going to try to explain that to my kids.
by mike1493   3673 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2012 11:02 AM

So very true! And, I'm so glad that, even with the issues with the ex, that you can make the effort to be nice when you are around each other. What we don't realize is, when you constantly bash your ex, the kids will internalize it. They are like little sponges and they are very self-centered (fine for kids, not so much for adults). They somehow get it in their minds that- I'm part Mom and part Dad....if daddy says mommy is a horrible person, then I must be, too. Crazy, but, true!
by Dactyl   5834 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2012 10:39 AM

You're so right -- they are so smart, and we don't give them enough credit.

One day I made a positive comment about my ex to my child, and he responded, "See! I knew that you and Daddy liked each other all along!"

It took me aback. The other thing was that he told his child psychologist that "My mom and my dad are nice to each other when they see each other."

Talk about a shocker. I left my ex because of domestic abuse. But I've made a concerted effort when we do the "child handoff" to be courteous and respectful. My kid only has one biological father. I was fortunate to have both mother and father in my home and the blessing to look up to my father. I want my child to also have the blessing of looking up to his, even if I don't agree with what the father does or even if I think his morals have been tossed aside.

So like you, I don't bring it up. We only talk about visits, and I constantly say, "Your daddy loves you so much. You're lucky to have a daddy who loves you and spends time with you."

I know, it's a balance, but I agree -- as much as 2 adults part ways, the kids still need that assurance that their parents are kind.

I hope I can keep this up, because I tell you what, it's really difficult. But my kid's emotional well-being is worth it.
by bitsybug   134 Posts
Posted on 2/23/2012 10:25 AM

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