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When is enough finally enough? 

I realize the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  At what point can you say enough?  I find that the same things continue to happen everyday and he knows that it irritates me to no end and I build my wall even higher.  Is he trying to push me a way so he can be the victim, or is he really that dense?  Case in point... this morning and every morning he wakes up at 4 and automatically thinks that if he crawls on top of me I will instantly want to have sex.  Ummmm no! I don't wake him up when I do laundry or read from 1-3 every morning. And he knows that I am awake half the night but his selfish needs make sure that if he's awake I need to be to.  I say no and he gets forceful until I squirm away and by this point I am extremely irritated and wide awake. I express very clearly that I want to sleep so he rolls over and pouts loudly for an hour and a half until my alarm goes off. He doesn't talk to me let alone touch me while we are awake but every morning I am supposed to forget that and be so freaking happy that he acknowledges me.  I am worth more than that and I know that but I'm not sure what to do or say to get him to stop.   
by AlwaysSunny  1 Post 

Posted on 11/29/2011 11:21 AM
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Comments for "When is enough finally enough?"  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

Are you, in fact, in the process of divorce? 

My ex and I had a similiar problem.  I was suffereing from horrible insomnia and depression caused by emotional abandonment.  Now, he didn't accost me every morning, but, he did occassionally try.  In fact, there were numerous occassions where he had sex with me while I was asleep.  They call that spousal rape. 

I tried to talk to him about showing me affection...for affection's sake.  Sounds like your ex doesn't understand that concept, either.  On the other hand, staying up all night doesn't help the situation.  Go to bed at the same time.  If you can't sleep, then get up after he's gone to sleep.  However, if you have already decided to divorce and aren't changing your mind, then, sleep somewhere else.  You are only sending him mixed signals.
by Dactyl   5834 Posts
Posted on 11/29/2011 5:35 PM

Perhaps this is over-simplifying but:

He doesn't communicate because he's angry with you about never having sex.  You don't want to have sex because he never communicates.  Both of you are feeling deprived, and at this point neither of you is willing to "give" for fear it won't be reciprocated.

If you don't go to bed when he does, then please tell me when he is "allowed" to initiate sex?  You're up half the night, why? Waiting for him to go to sleep?  And then when he wakes up and realizes you've finally come to bed, well yes he's going to be horny because you never have sex.

I get it, you want him to romance you.  But he's not going to spend half the night wooing you when he thinks he's going to get rejected anyway.  One of you has to break this downward spiral.  Before you decide to get a lawyer, try going to bed at the same time for a change.

by mike1493   3673 Posts
Posted on 11/29/2011 1:28 PM

You have a lot going on, in my opinion. If you are getting a divorce, I have to ask, why is sex even on the table? On one hand, he shouldn't expect it. On the other, you shouldn't expect much acknowledgement either. First, whatever you are doing isn't working, so do something different. The result may change. If the result you desire happens, you know what to do. If not, try something else. You can always sleep somewhere else, the couch, an air mattress, or if you do actually want a relationship with him, try showing him affection at a time of day you feel more available. It isn't just up to the male to start things. I guess I am at a loss, but first you need to decide if you even want a relationship. If not, you cannot expect to share a bed and live together as husband and wife until the divorce is final. You may need to move to the couch. That said, honestly, I wouldn't be thrilled with a man who could care less about what I wanted sexually. And if I expressed distress as you do and the guy responded like your spouse, I'd know I could do better. I don't think many men would find that behavior acceptable if the woman in question was their daughter, but I could be wrong. My ex has many faults, but if anyone ever treated our daughter as you describe, I know he'd be more than upset. He'd flip if a guy treated me like that, and he left me.
by bestyear34   181 Posts
Posted on 11/29/2011 12:35 PM

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