Sin will take you farther than you want to go.
Sin will leave you longer than you want to stay.
Sin will cost you far more than you want to pay.
I married my x-wife out of my sinful nature. As the bible say we have all sinned and come short of the God’s Glory. My addiction to Porn and my self-centered nature have caused me to fall out of God’s grace
For years I was afraid to date. I did not have many girlfriends. I was never sexually involved. I did not run with the wrong crowed but I liked women. I was not the Ladies man and did not woo the women. I was not a charmer or Gentlemen. I was a guy who was lonely most of the time. I was a nerd. I Like video games and computers and I read all the manuals to everything I have ever purchased. What is there a guy like me to do, but to find a woman and marry? Right, that’s what all men want.
When I was growing up I thought hey I wish I can find these beautiful women in these magazines and TV to marry. I was just dreaming. So I went thru schooling graduated from high school with my first girlfriend. We kissed and hugged but nothing more. Maybe cause I was not turned on by her very much. I was thinking. Well women love guys who are sexually knowledgeable, what if I learn about sex. Read magazines and Books on sex. I thought I knew this stuff backwards and forwards. Reading Manuals for a long time. This stuff is easy.
So I went to college. I see a lot of my friends marry their girlfriends after the graduated from college. Me I did not marry anyone from my college background. Instead I found someone who I thought I had a chance of getting involved with. First, my x-wife graduated from high school in 1995 and I graduated from College in 1995. That’s great, she is young and attractive and she had a lot of dates but no one serious.
After I graduated from college I began a teaching job, and I had some time during summer vacation to pick up another job to keep more money flowing in my pocket. So I decide to work for a newspaper company. That is where I met her. All the men I was working with thought she was attractive and wanted to date her. Yes, she was good looking but I thought I did not have a chance. Who would date a nerd anyway? So I met her, we talked and I got her number and I decide to just be friends.
I did not know a friendship will turn into a big deal for me. For years I was not sexually involved with anyone so I was saving myself for the right person. Well I hoped that this person was the right one. First, Time we had sex, I was like, ok I did not plan to do that. I was just going to watch a move and that is it. That sexual experience turned into a situation where I became so addicted into having sex with her. Had to have it every night and multiple times on the weekend, and as much as possible. We were thinking if we are having so much sex, we should just get married. What a novice idea. I wanted this person to be my life time partner. We got married and then the nightmare occurred.
I began to see later on who I was married to be not just my sexual partner but my abuser. How can I be so caught up in this relationship with her and 4 kids? I was getting kind of worn out. Great, I thought I loved sex I just did not like the abusive hitting, the yelling, the put downs. I wish those things would go away and they didn’t. I had to get out of this situation because sex is not worth it. I felt abused sexually as well.
So, I decide to turn my life around, leave my wife and rededicate myself to Christ. Got rid of the Magazine and Books and became baptized. Got into several support groups, and started to transform my life. My past sin of being unequally yoked with an unbeliever and premarital sex has hurt me, I feel God has given me forgiveness and I feel that I am on the right track. I am glad I got out of that situation before it took me down the path of destruction. I thank God for a second chance.