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self absorbed twit 

Do you ever interact with your ex… and wonder what you saw in them in the first place?  I know there was a spark at one point.  But now (and this is after several years of him being crazy, mean-spirited, and at time, downright scary) I can’t help but find it hard to remember why I liked him in the first place.  

 

He does this thing where he thinks everyone in the world is terribly interested in his life and what he is up to.  So he’ll make “leading statements” that force you to ask a question in order to get the rest of his thought.  It’s so manipulative, and REALLY irritating.  An example: our son and I treated him to Fathers Day lunch on Sunday, and while there, I ask about his newer apartment… to which he (who has a girlfriend right now) answers, “Well, yeah, I like the apartment, but you know… there might be other living arrangements by September anyway…”  (Obviously, I’m supposed to ask “Why, whatever do you mean… are you and _____ planning to move in together?” or “Oh?  Are you looking at moving?”)  It’s vintage Him.  I didn’t ask by the way.  I said, “Oh.  Cool.”  

 

He also forces his life on other people- I notice it particularly online.  A friend of our posts a family picture of their vacation.  A great photo!  Happy family time.  Several people had commented on the photo, and I commented, “What a great photo- beautiful.  I may need to come to _____ to visit you!”  The next comment is the ex who (rahter than comment on the family who the photo is of, makes it about himself) posts “what looks awesome is the fun and happy family. No matter the location.”  I mean come on!  Talk about ruining someone else online album with your own crap. 

 

He did the same thing with a photo from our friends wedding, at which he and I were starting to date, and we are in a group picture.  He comments on someone else’s wedding day picture what a big day it was for him, and if only he’d known then what he knows now.  Seriously?  On someone elses wedding photo?? 
Soooooo self-involved!
Ok, that was my rant for today.  Thank you for your time.  Hope your week is a good one!
by wtf  352 Posts 

Posted on 6/22/2010 8:45 AM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
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Comments for "self absorbed twit"  (14) (You must be logged in to answer)
Actually, I remember our first date together. And at one point, I looked over and thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing with this dork?"
Yep, I said dork!
But for some reason, I stayed....and stayed....and had babies....and still stayed....unhappy the whole time. I'm sooooo glad I left him. I try to focus on the positive. IDK why I was with him, but I know why I left.
by KatiesTheMom   329 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 4:23 PM
0



There's still a part of you that cares enough about him to want other people to think well of him. I think it's only human.

My stbx walked away in the middle of a conversation with a group of friends after a kid's event without so much as a "see ya!" Yeah, I wish I was the only one who knows he's a jerk. I let other people think of him what they will - in a way, it helps them understand why I moved out.
by JulieG   5767 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 4:13 PM
0



As a law clerk I've had this conversation with thousands of STBD and newly divorced. Teh common denominator among all is new found insight into people,  personal growth and maturity.

So way2be wtf, you're obviously among those who wear their big girl panties and move on.
by brad   322 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 3:58 PM
1



I am not sure that these X's have actually changed all that much...it's just that we finally pulled the blinders off! I met my X way back in 1976 and yes, he was handsome, funny, energetic and a liberal like myself. I looked at him again in 2002 and thought "what happened to that good-looking, energetic gonna help save the world guy I fell in love with?" He had become a dried up old conservative right before my very eyes! And soooo self-righteous yet living with one foot in a marriage and one foot out the door with the company slut!
I long ago stopped trying to figure out what happened to him. I used that energy to work on myself instead. And I came out in much better shape than I ever dreamed possible.
by CowgirlKathi   53 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 2:56 PM
0



When I saw "self absorbed twit" as the heading for the blog, I had to read it. It sounded so like my stbx. The man you are divorcing is not the man you married. It's been said before.

I often wonder if scales have fallen from my eyes or if he has changed so terribly much.

Regardless, I know I cannot live with him anymore. I'd rather be alone than lonely. I'd rather be have to face everything on my own than have him here and be afraid.

Vent all you want. Perhaps in time you can chuckle at his self-absorbed ways. I'm sure others do...
by Bradylady   263 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 1:39 PM
0



I interact with my ex quie a bit. Many times makes me realize why I am still in love with her. Also makes it just as hard to let go. But I cant control what she does and vise versa. Sometimes she sounds like a complete ass for some of the things she will say, and then sometimes I do. Just the way it is. I'd rather have her in my life to some degree than not have her in it at all, but there aretimes when that opinion can change.
by Heartbrokepicker   683 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 1:05 PM
0



I feel that way about my first ex husband, especially when I hear about him or his wife (who was one of my dearest friends - my ex poops where he eats).  They are very conniving people, and it still takes me back when I hear that they still operate that way.  He wasn't like that AT ALL for the first 9 months of our relationship.  Then it was like a light was turned off and he became someone else.  Someone I did not like, let alone love.  But I was young and listened to my parents and married him.  I was unhappy the entire three years I stayed.  Not just unsatisfied - UNHAPPY. 

The second ex (newly ex!) I still like a LOT and still can see why I was attracted to him in the first place.  He is still a great guy.  He can't be a good husband or life partner for me, but he can still be a pretty good buddy and he's learning to co-parent our daughter better with each passing month.  Big difference.  HUGE difference.  No comparison.
by abrenner   203 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 11:25 AM
0



Mili says it often, and Vlady, too.  The man you married is not the man you divorce.  I think at first that's hard.  We remember all the good things, but as we heal, we see for ourselves what self-absorbed, flawed individuals they really are.  It really does begin to show how much it's all about them.

As many have said...Ignore, ignore, and ignore.  Smile while you're ignoring, too (grin).  Eventually, you'll just shrug your shoulders when he's being an ass and think, "not my problem, thank God."
by stCheshirecat   2588 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 11:16 AM
3



Our self-absorbed, narcissistic, all-about-me ex's and stbx's are incredibly annoying, aren't they? I know, cause I've got one too.

But, everyone is right. There's no point in even trying to figure it out. And old dogs have a hard time learning new tricks, so don't expect him to ever change. Just hope your son sees through it rather than emulates the behavior eventually.

Believe me, you will also get to a point where it doesn't bother you as much.

Isn't it nice to be free, though???
by sarthur2   853 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 10:36 AM
0



I don't think it's petty. My ex does the same exact thing. I think you just needed to vent is all. And honestly, what he does is petty. You commenting on it is just trying to wrap your brain around his stupid and arrogant behavior.My ex tells everyone at the local watering hole everything about our business and his new wife, too.I told him awhile back, you might not want to do that because it is actually getting back to me. I can handle the gossip. But your new wife might not be so understanding about you sharing with all your drinking buddies how she is bipolar and a maniac.He reacted by wanting to know who said that!? Well, who did you tell, moron?? Don't go talk crap then expect no one to repeat it!! Ugh! See.. that's me venting. Sorry!!Anyhow.. yes, my ex does the same stupid stuff. He has to make it all about him all the time.Even with our daughters around he still makes it all about him. Even in the midst of a new grandbaby, still all about him and his feelings.How he wanted to hug his son. Well, your son isn't the one that popped the baby out so the least your son could've done was stand by the bed the way he did! That's no grand gesture!!!I agree with the statement that these things really don't matter anymore. I think in my case for so long I felt responsible for the stupid things my ex said that it takes time for me to distance myself from his ignorant behavior. I read his fb page and I just roll my eyes.What cracks me up is that he thinks that everyone just loves him! I see now they just humored him all this time. Guess he will never know, he can't see past his own nose!!Good luck...we'll both work on this and try to remember and be thankful that we are FREE!!!!!
by hunted1   779 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 9:35 AM
1



You are definetly nicer than I would be. Taking him out for lunch, are you kidding me? You are right up there with the angels :-)

Don't be hard on yourself...ignore, ignore, ignore. That was the only way that I was able to cope.

The man I married was someone else. He is not longer the man I feel in love with.  I saw him recently at our son's communion.  He looked bad. He was scruffy and I doubt the shirt he was wearing knew what an iron was.

The point is don't try to understand it but instead accept it for what it is.  You will go round and round trying to understand the why's and what if's of the situation.  It is what it is.

Concentrate on healing yourself, your son and the future. Let him keep taking cheap shots. He only comes across like a fool.

Abrazos.

by vlady   2619 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 9:31 AM
2



Spanking yourself for your own blog.  Ouch!

Looks like you have some legitimate points.  Thing is, they just don't really matter anymore - you're free.

Once you let yourself be free, that is........
by HereIgo   960 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 9:20 AM
1



Thank you all for letting me vent.  I feel petty after reading this, and I wondr why I let the little stuff like this bother me so much.  I still have some work to do on myself, obviously.  :-)
by wtf   352 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 8:57 AM
0



Thank you all for letting me vent.  I feel petty after reading this, and I wondr why I let the little stuff like this bother me so much.  I still have some work to do on myself, obviously.  :-)
by wtf   352 Posts
Posted on 6/22/2010 8:57 AM
1





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