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i know better?

Here's what I don't understand about adultery...I would think if a woman with children was cheated on by her husband, who subsequently leaves her for the other woman and has more children with the other woman, while not financially supporting his wife and children...that the wife would not tolerate a man doing that to any other woman!

I'm livid that my brother is cheating on his wife and left her devastated on their one year anniversary shortly after my STBX did that and worse to me.

I'm shocked that my husband's sister, who went through the same thing 13 years ago that I'm going through now, sees me as some evil, crazy woman and supports her brother 100%. She's even thrown a baby shower for the illegitimate baby. Of course a shower isn't for the baby, it's for the parents to help financially support them as they begin their family.

I don't buy the whole line "you have to support your family because they are your family" crap. Sure he's my brother but that doesn't mean I have to condone and go along with his evil, selfish, mean, craziness. It doesn't mean I hate him and disown him either. But I believe I have a right to not be forced to tell him that he's a great guy or be disowned myself.

I'm appalled that I'm still married but my husband's family tells everyone that we are divorced and he's living with his girlfriend and their child. The only reason they aren't married right now is because it's illegal to be married to two women at the same time.

I feel like society on an individual basis won't stand up for what they believe in is right. Or is only upset by misdoings when the crimes are perpetrated against themselves. When it happens to others those same victims have no compassion for others going through the same thing.

What bothers me the most right now is that I was always nice and friendly to my STBX's sister and she told me that I would always be considered part of the family no matter what (this was before the affair/illigitimate baby). Now I'm labeled some crazy woman for being upset about the betrayal and being forced to take care of everything myself without any financial assistance from my STBX. I'm upset about a number of things clearly, but because I have emotions about this I am labeled crazy or troubled, or any number of other things.

by BecksMom 232 Posts

Posted on 9/27/2009 8:27 PM

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Tags: adultery , social views

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Comments for "i know better?" (9) (You must be logged in to answer)

I agree with you! Many peoples morals are in the gutter. They don't know right from wrong and could care less about the shock waves of their decisions.
I am sorry- but you seem strong. Hang in there!

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 9/30/2009 4:37 PM

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Hang in there girl...you sound so strong and definetly NOT crazy. I agree with Pixy about "not allowing myself to be affected by the opinions and actions of others." That's some good advice. Take Care!

by BeeBee 83 Posts
Posted on 9/30/2009 3:04 PM

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I learned the lesson of not allowing myself to be affected by the opinions and actions of others.

What I have found is that in the end no one cares about "your" story and no one really wants to hear about how wronged you were.    People judge others harshly and without compassion when they hear all the negativity and blame.   Even when it is true.

I would stay away from these people and save your story for people who will be simpathetic to you and not judge you.

In the end there is your story, his story and then the truth.   Remember that and don't waste your time trying to convince anyone of how much you suffer.

by pixy 100 Posts
Posted on 9/29/2009 2:35 PM

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I know the feeling of betrayal, yet I should have expected it. My mil and sil were crying to me telling me that I would always be family, then the next day making plans to have the ow come for dinner. I had to just cut off all ties with him and his family worked out best for me of course my children are older that helps a lot. I'm sorry for your pain and I am proud of you for standing your ground with your bother.

by sjg 1766 Posts
Posted on 9/28/2009 8:51 AM

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My dear you are in my mind as I too have juggled with the stupidity of family loyalties. Thank goodness my sons, close friends, immediate family are with me all the way. However, my wife's family say that they MUST support her no matter what. We were married 33 years, and I am so confused by the garbage of their motives. You and I have values, and values are a moral guide for people and even nations. The craziness is in these peoples minds, they are not worth the time of day, so stop thinking about them. I have not reached out to them as soon as their so called "pure motives" were revealed to me. They are idiots with no principles to live by. There is nothing wrong with you, you have outstanding qualities, and I know you will survive this trying time in your life. For your info, the guilty one in most cases blames the innocent one for the affair. So ignore the idiots as I have and remake your new identity to one that is prosperous and satisfying. I have repainted my home and bought new furniture and other things to create a new atmosphere. It works. I have discovered many new opportunities to this new single life as well, of a proper nature of course. So, look after yourself, and be well.

by kevinwo 732 Posts
Posted on 9/28/2009 12:14 AM

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I understand what you are experiencing. Along with the betrayal comes the abandonment.

You probably cared a great deal for these people, and along with the betrayal, they have abandoned you too.

You will need to be strong for yourself and realize that they weren't your family. Merely acquaintances. So sorry for your pain. You deserve better.

by HereIgo 756 Posts
Posted on 9/27/2009 11:00 PM

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I am soo thankful for ur post, although I wish you didn't post it bc it's sad that this is real life. My situation is extremely similar to yours with minor differences. My stbxh left-moved into his mother's-weeks later had a new gf-spent holidays with her and involved my toddler!! She even left her parents house and moved into his mother's!!! Progressed with this girl-- they just moved into their own place-a one bedroom apt. My son has a bed in the room.. All while I -- was heartbroken about our "decision", packed our House,sold some furniture, paid for movers, paid for storage, moved home with my mom for 2 months,got new car bc of old lease being up, then moved to my apt-- and did everything ALONE. He never did a thing with the house-his Stuff from the house-or money for it. It was as if it Never exsisted. His family totally betrayed me in the sense of the gf. How they accepted her so soon, while we are still Married.. Where are everyone's morals?? My family would never condone that behavior esp moving in while still married only months after splitting. His sister had the nerve, I mean Balls, to text me on Friday that's its unfair she is cleaning up "our" mess bc the house needs to be sold. And also unfair of wat I took from it.. (I took everything,even the doorknobs lol) I told her to take that up with her brother-i did and do enough!I cursed him out to her and u kno what?? She agreed and apologized.. Sorry for ranting but it has a purpose... Sometimes its easy to blame or hold ill feelings when there's no real connection. When u love a family member its hard to accept that they are not doing what's right. It is Easy to use someone as an outlet for blame. You will find the strength to see that not everyone is supposed to be in your "world" as they aren't supposed to be in mine. This all will make you stronger for the next life lesson that will be in your future.

by DiamondJay 51 Posts
Posted on 9/27/2009 10:53 PM

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Lisa Cannon
Divorce Coach
571 Posts

Hi Becks' Mom -

You have discovered a truism... life is unfair...

The fact that his family are backing him up in his shameful behavior is probably a good part of the explanation as to why he feels it's okay to behave this way in the first place.

The little acorn doesn't fall far from the great oak. I would imagine that his family has a great history of past behaviors such as these.

And so you have discovered another truism... you don't marry a man, you marry a family. And now you know to really check out a man's family before you step up to the alter again.

You are being logical and factual. He and his family are being emotional. They go together like oil and water. Hang in there, sooner or later everybody's bill comes due.

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by Lisa Cannon
Posted on 9/27/2009 10:51 PM

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I to am appalled of the way I've been treated by my stbx and her family. Duh people she has cheated on me, why the hell are you being asses with me?????? Bullshit you love me as a son, loving me doesn't include impailing a knife in my back.
I'm so sorry for your pain and the way people look down on you. You are better than them, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

by Betrayedforaram 451 Posts
Posted on 9/27/2009 9:03 PM

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