social networking sites...at what point do we cross the line? 

Hi MaryBecca2 - I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360. You asked for some serious feedback regarding cyber sex, infidelity and what the limits might look like.

There are two types of affairs that occur in committed relationships. There is the usual betrayal that occurs when one partner has a sexual relationship outside the partnership. That type of physical betrayal may or may not carry an emotional segment.

There is also the emotional affair. This can occur between friends outside the partnership at any time or any place. Emotional affairs are particularly dangerous because the parties involved are building intimacy with another person who is not a part of their primary relationship.

When intimacy is built outside of the primary relationship walls tend to go up between partners. There is an instinctive reaction between partners to back away, to retreat from the openness and trust that existed when one partner needs to hide what they are feeling from the other.

Neither of these affairs is positive or beneficial for the long term health of the relationship. Any time one partner has to behave covertly, the line between acceptable interaction and unacceptable interaction has been crossed.

This can happen easily in cyberspace where honesty and deception can easily become interwoven during texting and chattting. 

I believe that facebook and myspace can be great places to share tidbits of everyday life with family and friends.  Finding classmates from the past can be fun, but chatting with former beaus  carries the risk of opening up old feelings that don't belong in the present. 

As long as both you and your spouse don't password protect your pages and allow each other free access (whether it's used or not) I see no reason for concern.

Use your common sense, when it feels like it's going in the wrong direction and you wonder if you should continue, you probably shouldn't.  

Hope that helped.   

Personally I see nothing wrong with it. What matters is intent and choice. If someone's going to cheat it doesn't matter if it's online or in a bar, they make a choice to do so.

I have FB so does my hubs. We aren't even on each other's friends list. Weird, maybe but I don't need to spy on his page, and vice versa. We also each have a LOT of family spread out in different states so it's one more way we can all keep in touch with each other. My mom, his brother, cousins galore on both sides, etc. He is rarely on it, I am more often, but again, intent is the key.

On the matter of "cyber" though: if one partner is uncomfortable with it, then if the other goes around and sneaks to get some flirting / e-sex'n on with someone else, then yes I call it cheating. it's deception and still a violation of trust, and therefore wrong.

But straight purely platonic friends? Nah, I think it's ok. Just my .02 of course.

oops sorry bout that. revised the 1st and then sent it by accident

Well here is my thoughts on all those sites. I tried to set up and account and man it was a lot of work! How  you guys have family and still find the time for all those friend requests and the like..... it was too much for me. Anyway, as to crossing the line, if your spouse was doing exactly what you are right now, would YOU be mad? Good for the goose good for the gander:)

Well here is my thought. I tried getting an account on one of those sites and man it was alot of work! How you guys can handle a family and keep up with all those "friending" requests and stuff, it was too much for me. As to when have you crossed the line, if your spouse was doing exactly what you were doing would it be acceptable?

I agree with all written thus far.Intimacy is to be shared with the most important person in your life.When you stray from those boundaries you are inviting distrust to invade a relationship and then it will become doomed.Abetter route may be to seek counseling to repair anything you feel your relationship may be lacking.

When you start letting those people take the place of your spouse or significant other. Meaning instead of talking to them you go to this other person..not just once or twice but it becomes frequent..then you are asking for trouble. they grow closer and your spouse or significant other gets pushed farther away. Nothing wrong with friends- nothing wrong with confiding in them but it has to be kept in the right place. One thing leads to another and then you have an affair..
Cyber sex has become the norm- nothing wrong with chat rooms - if you are careful and are wary. To me- it is no better than an affair even though you may never touch or see that person.
Anytime anything that is supposed to be shared with your spouse gets shared with someone else..I think of it as an affair- whether it is emotional or physical.

I'm a little on the jealous side. When I hear about my guy having a female friend that he once dated, even though it's ancient history, even though she's happily married, I feel a little jealous pang. But then I ask myself a few questions: do I trust my guy? Yes. Do I believe he would do anything with this woman? No. Am I over-reacting a little? Yes. Did he outright tell me about it or did I find it hidden on his computer? He outright told me she requested him as a friend. Communication is the key. I agree with you, mil. If it gets to the point where ya start hiding things, then it's a cause for concern.

I believe that people, even married ones, can have friends of the opposite sex..when it gets to the point that you can't let your significant other see what you wrote, or you are confiding things you should be confiding to your partner, I believe that is when it crosses the line. Of course, this is my personal opinion only. I have both male and female friends on facebook that I went to school with, I am in the military with, etc...I believe as long as we ask ourselves if we would have a problem if the shoe was on the other foot and we continue to monitor how conversations can be perceived, we are ok...I wouldn't hurt my guy for anything but I am not going to give up friends for him either. He seems to accept me for who I am, there has to be a level of trust there...Just like I have to find that level of trust for him as well...