I Did It.....now what? 

So it has been a whirlwind couple of weeks for me.....how did it start.....let's see, friday night (this would have been 3 weeks ago) I agreed to meet the stbx at our old residence. He wanted to talk and share a meal...I gave in.

I arrived at his (our) home and we made dinner and talked. I knew he was wanting 'relations' and was prepared if things felt right at the time to oblige. Well things did not feel right, but I attempted to oblige which did not go well. Everything kind of escalated from there and it started to get kind of ugly so I decided it was time to leave. Upon backing out of the driveway he threw his red beer at me in my car and proceeded to pick up small rocks to throw at me also. I high tailed it out of there with only my clothes and inside of my car covered in red beer and my feelings very hurt. He had never acted that way before....but these circumstances are different. I knew at that time what I needed to do.

Saturday I called my family and friends and arranged the move day for Sunday (as I knew the stbx was going to be not home). I called and arranged for my place that I was looking at to be available.

Sunday, my friends and family caravaned to our old home and without stbx knowing, I went in and cleared out my personal belongings and the 'basement' used furniture. I left him all of the nice upstairs furniture, the big t.v., all of the dishes, silverware etc. Kind of kick myself for that now because I was more entitled to have the 'nice' things than him with his $$ problems. But anyways, I am such a nice girl, that is what I did.

So now I am in my new place. It is very bare, since I took very little. I am slowly making things work and will make it a 'home' for me and my son eventually.

But there still is that nagging question that looms.......did I do the right thing? The stbx and I have been communicating and I met him at church the other night, as he wanted to pray for me. I still feel feelings for this man, however they don't seem enough to make a marriage. But do I really even know what I am feeling? I get so confused. I am thinking that the feelings I am feeling is a loss of a love that I once had, not so much that it is a loss of him. I just don't think that I could ever go back to "that place" with him. He feels more like a close friend than a husband.

I am trying to keep myself busy with work and my new place, but the late evenings are tough. Luckily I have my great dane with me to snuggle up with :). I have friends that want to try to hook me up (and so does he), but I am just not in the right place in my heart and mind to think about going out on a date.....wow that sounds scary. Here is another weekend upon us and the stbx has asked that I accompany him to a mutual friends wedding.....how akward would that be?

Where do I go from here..............

So here I sit........