Realize..It's not our fault.!! 

Well greetings to everyone,

I don't know what stage of this process are you in right  now. It might be the shock one,... might be in the painful one,... the lost one, ...the "I didn't see that coming" one, ...the angry one, ..the depress one, ..the "i'm surviving this test"one,  etc.. Sure thing is we all are here because we share something in common: A painful distress broken heart . We all are feeling victims (and in part we are) Now...if you are not in any of this categories or have nothing to do with this process then ...What the heck are you doing in here?..get a life!..-just kidding :-)

Anyway, we all are in this rollercoaster of emotions,  I personally rather be in the Kumba mountain  of the theme parks in Fl, at least that one only last 3 min.   This rollercoaster of emotions have me riding for the past 18 months..it sometimes slowdown, and when I think I can get out, It pulls me back and start its slow climbing to the top..and there is when I start getting desperate, fear of anticipation, and feeling incapable of move again...then it comes to the higher point ..and next.. the rushhhh....angry, tears, loneliness, confusion, and all this cocktail of bad feelings start shaking my mind... while my body feels just as a tight wrapped fine china crystal inside a moving truck traveling from Fl to Seattle (can't move)...until the rush slows down again and repeat it's process.

 I think this freaking rollercoaster of emotions is starting to ge tired of getting nothing from me, I believe that I been moved to a different one, a slowing ride that its giving me the opportunity to jump out...well,  while I'm in this slower, almost getting out of the gas rollercoaster, I've been thinking. What the heck was all this about?..I had a good life (That's what I thought)..I have a beautiful and nice person as a spouse (that's what I thought)...I have a beautiful life (here introduce the annoying scratch sound that interrupts a beautiful song) Scritchhhh......WHAT??..what happening?..everything was ok right?. I thought we were working out our problems, I thought everything was ok, I thought we were fine..Now what??...come again?..can't hear what you saying?..a divorce??..Damn ........how cold is that freaking nife in my warm heart...

Then you hear : "NEXT..please put on your seat belt, ..tight you ass.. and grab yourself firmly".. then all you can hear is the track, track, track, track ..that is taking you to the emotional rollercoaster mountain.

 (enough now with the rollercoaster).

What I want to say, is that we all are feeling guilty and we're blaming others for what happened to us, and is true, also it's ok to feel like that, hey! if we are not compassionate with ourself..who else is going to do it? 

anyway, in a relationship there is someone that wins and someone that loses, we all here are sharing the loses. If we were the winners one, we would not be here "down loading" our feelings. We would be with our new life, or with our lover,or doing something else. but not in this stage.    How many of us have seen their stbx  , the one who kick us out, depress or feeling bad, or walking like zombies as we are?.       

        Either we were the one who make the divorce process or the spouse did it, there is most of the time a "winner" and a "loser". There been some cases when is a win win situation..but you wont see that people in this page (when I said a win situation I'm referring to that people, that is not suffering, nor affected for the divorce process..they are fine ..no depress mode..no sadness).. We are considering ourselves as the losers, because all the pain and all that drag us down...but the reality is: That its not totally TRUE.....in reality We are the winners and they are the losers...think about it..It's better get out of this bad relationship now than never, we got the opportunity to start again, it's like born again!... tell me something.. have you see those marriages of 50 and plus years together, ...do you really think they are together for love?...hmm  It might be..a few ones may be.

    But I think they are together because none of those was able to jump out of that train in the last station, where it was full of other people..now they are in the middle of nowhere, no people, nothing..so the only resource is been together like it or not for the rest of their lives..

Many of us did not want to jump out of that train, But we were pushed out..(thanks Pal) ....and we start ran behind asking to let us climb back again ...but we only see that person going there, kind of laughing at us, thinking that he or she has win....and us, just there frustrated, sad, tearful..without realizing there is another train coming and there is a terminal full of people..and we are sobbing for one ...just one unappreciated and ungrateful person who pushed us down to the floor...but you know what, we sure will appreciate the favor..because in the long run we will be the winners and they will be the losers...with all bruises, tears and weak steps, we'll get up and we will find ourself again, we will find our God, and we will find another soul that was lost in the same station. The one who pushed us one day will realize what he/she had lost..they will realize their mistake and, most important,  they will realize that the loser one was themselves. Time will show them.

  This world have a population of  6,790,062,216. which is read as 6.7 billion..that's people around...can you believe, that we are only suffering for only ONE person, or we are still attached to that only ONE person..what happened with the other 6,790,062,215. around us? ..yeah I know..It may not be reachable...but what about in your country?..here in U.S. 250 million people..what about your city?..your neighborhood?..It is only more than only ONE person...I guess what i'm saying is we should not allow ONE person to keep us down..there is plenty of people whom we can start our new life..there is plenty more that we can do for others..our family, our kids, our friends, our community..if we keep busy...that ONE person who hurt our feelings it will not longer have control of our mind and feelings..

I wrote a personal post a few weeks ago about how I was feeling. I was so devastated as I was months ago, here at 360, was my only place to vent it out. It works.. I and got some nice people comment on it. I do appreciate all you support and what you are doing in here..this is a transition..I think people need to use this space to help themselves survive this bitter process..then when is time to move on..they just don't want to come back..I agree. There will always be people coming and go. I know some of you guys, even had move on , still coming here to comfort others. That is something truly appreciated and only heaven will reward your kindness.

For me, my last post was my last ride in this rollercoaster..I decided to jump out..I might break my legs..but my heart will keep me alive..I rather do it than be with my legs good and my heart and my mind numb.

This is just a painful process. ..We will win at the end...and we'll get up..nobody is gonna keep us down...we need to learn as much as we can during this period in order to be a better person..if we still failing in our relationships is because we still need to learn more..may be about us..or may be learn to choose the right person..but at the end,  Its not our fault.....its just another opportunity life is giving us.

No pain..no gain.

God bless you all.

GR.