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Visitation question: I could use some advice.

My ex is supposed to have my son on the Saturday of Labor day weekend from 9am-1pm. He asked me if he could switch to the Sunday instead since his mother is coming to visit and he'd like her to see him. Normally I don't have a problem with that, but it just so happens that I have family coming from Miami to GA to visit us on that Sunday and we've already made plans. I haven't seen these people since my wedding day almost 7yrs ago and they've never met my son so I really don't feel I need to change my plans for him and his mom who comes approx once a month to visit. I explained to my ex that I already had plans and what they were so he wouldn't feel like I was trying to be difficult. I told him if anything changes, that I'd let him know.

Now my ex is asking if he can have my son on Saturday night instead of the morning. Knowing my son would be with his father from 9am-1pm, I made plans to work at that time so I could be free when he came home. I can't find anyone to work for me on that Saturday and if I let the ex have my son at night then I will not see him almost all day. I work 40hrs a week and have a 10hr a week commute so I really only get to spend about 3hrs a day with him and look forward to the weekends. Am I being unreasonable if I say no? My ex is terrible about canceling visitation left and right and showing up late or early, etc. I am not trying to keep my son and my ex's family apart, but I'm so sick of being the "flexible" one. Anyone been here, done that? What do you all think? Maybe I just need someone to tell me to suck it up cause shit happens in divorce. Thanks

by BlindFaithNoMore 170 Posts

Posted on 8/26/2009 10:20 AM

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Comments for "Visitation question: I could use some advice." (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

Maybe, you have put up with enough from that guy. The reason things are put into writing is to prevent things like this from happening. It does you no good to not enforce the rules for setting a schedule and cannot be good for the child either. To upset the boy who may or may not have already been looking forward to a Saturday day visit to suddenly be told it's just not convenient for daddy is just wrong. My vote is to stick to the schedule as planned. Ultimately it is your decision though. Best of luck with whichever decision you make.

by Jamesalone 2952 Posts
Posted on 8/26/2009 11:20 PM

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I don't have kids at home, so though I walk the same path as you, I don't wear the same shoes. Just thought I'd add to hang in there and do what you think is best for your son AND YOU! Sometimes, we really forget ourselves in this equation. If you're hurting yourself to much in that, it isn't good for your son, either.

by stCheshirecat 672 Posts
Posted on 8/26/2009 8:22 PM

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Ok, sometimes I just need a reality check. I'm still ticked that I have to lose so much when my ex is the one who cheated and left us. But I can be logical too. Thanks

by BlindFaithNoMore 170 Posts
Posted on 8/26/2009 12:29 PM

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I agree with HIC- do what ever is best for your son. It will be hard sometimes but think about him. You will benefit from it- you won't have the stress of argueing etc.

by mtnvly 3695 Posts
Posted on 8/26/2009 10:53 AM

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HIC has a good point. I know it's really hard to always be the one taking the high road, but that's why we have ex's and stbx's. They didn't.

Saturday is one day. Some people get their kids days and weeks at a time. I think it might be the gracious thing to let him have him from 9 (since you are working and can't get a replacement) to the evening. It is his Grandma.

I've had to suck it up a couple of times with the in-laws. My stbx is having an affair and has the OW living with him and my father-in-law asked what I did to have this happen. Real nice, but it is his son and he can do no wrong. Yeah, right.

Hang in there BFNM. Your doing the right thing will always come back to you a hundred-fold. And your son will see that and respect you for it.

by flutterby 981 Posts
Posted on 8/26/2009 10:43 AM

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What is the best thing for your son? Think in those terms.

by HurtInColorado 1209 Posts
Posted on 8/26/2009 10:38 AM

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Visitation question: I could use some advice.

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