Holy crap I need to get a grip! 

Well I think I'm falling off my rocker.I was folding laundry tonight and some how a small lizard (FL type little buggers who's tails fall off) jumped out f my laundry hamper. Laundry rooms near the garage so maybe the little sucker came in that way.It jumped out on the bed. I screamed for one of my kids to come to my room to grab it. Now i'm not a weeny. I actually took a snake out of my pool once but i don;t like lizards.1 kid responds. We try to keep still so he doesn't take off and kid 1 is just kind of doing nothing. Then the little sucker jumps off the bed and at this moment i believe this is where he is.

At that moment a wave hit me. I was aggravated beyond belief because i nor child 1 caught it. I was yelling out load (non-direct to kid 1) told him to leave my room. Closed the door and let the tears flow. (I did apologize to my son after my private mini meltdown).

For some reason I felt very, very alone. Tired of not having someone there who would have laughed me when i screamed and grabbed then would have grabbed the lizard. Corny I know. It made me realize that I'm really tired of doing everything by myself. Of being everything. Bread winner, mother, taxi cab, chef, maid, pool man, lawn man, tutor, etc... This is more than a full time single person's job. I didn't sign up for this. I expected a partner for life and all it feels like lately is a never ending circle i'm running in. No way out, just round and round. How good can a one man band really be? I'm running ragged and don't know how to stop. On top of all that I carry bitterness and hostility for my ex on both shoulders so pretty soon i'll either be driven by all of it into the ground (not literally. no scares) or will be running in the circle carrying all the weight of everyones world until i'm an old bitter, hostile, ex-workaholic.

 just needed to vent...