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He is still keeping me hanging on...

13 days after I suffered a TIA (stroke), I am still not sure where I stand in this world let alon my marriage. I have comtemplated suicide more than twice over the last few days. The only reason I am still here writing this blog is my children. They are innocent in all this mess.

When I had the stroke, my husband did show up at the hospital and at my sister's house a couple times after I left my 5-day hospital stay. He has called and texted me more often but I am not sure that I want him to. I was beginning to grieve my relationship and my future with him at the time I got sick. Now he has openend all thos old wounds again and they are bleeding once more.

I am beginning a partial program at the local hospital to deal with the suicidal ideations I have been having. I just feel so worthless and useless right now. It is killing me that I don't have control over my emotions or my life right now. That is where the suicidal thoughts come from I think.

It is my husband's birthday this weekend and I don't know how to just ignore that. I still love and want him some days but then other days I am indifferent. I kow I am rambling on but this is the first day since the stroke that I am able to sit up in my computer chair.

Please pray for me and my family that we make it through this!

by DGelatko 36 Posts

Posted on 8/20/2009 9:47 AM

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Tags: suicide , urmoil , pain , emotion ,
stroke

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Comments for "He is still keeping me hanging on..." (2) (You must be logged in to answer)

My friend lost everything after her stoke and she is now living happily everafter with her cowboy in oregan. We cant predict the futrure we can only resolve to survive it hold on cinderella the story is not complete yet and if you close the book it never will have a chance for a happy ending. Why dont you resolve to read the story to its end. No promises just life on lifes terms I will be with you.........love Dee (Cinderella)

by coldlion 8 Posts
Posted on 8/20/2009 4:50 PM

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If you were at the edge of a cliff and you had a choice of either saving your kids or saving your husband, which would you choose?

This man (no man) is worth your life and more importantly your children's lives. Yes, you ending your life will ruin your children's lives, your family's lives. It seems an easy way out (for yourself) but you cannot choose that selfish option.

I know you're in so much pain you can't see past the next hour. You need to find faith in something other than him, beit your church, your children.

You've GOT to focus on other things, focus on getting yourself back to a healthy state, focus on your kids. Are you working? Forcus on that. Make distractions for yourself (come on the site, read blogs, comment, create blogs). Anything other than him. Start w/one hour a day where you do not allow yourself to think about him, make yourself. Everyday add an hour.

You know I care about you and I'm here for you. ((hugs))

by lifeinpurgatory 1830 Posts
Posted on 8/20/2009 10:44 AM

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He is still keeping me hanging on...

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