Shades and Hughes 

Last week John Hughes died. For those of us who knew John personally, he was a great guy, and he will be missed. For those of you who didn't, well that sucks.

What? Sure, I knew him, at least through his movies, and if you've seen his films as many times as I have, you could say you knew him intimately.

"John could we just snuggle? I'm not in the mood for 16 candles tonight."

That's the thing about writers--luminous screen or 20 pound paper types--they may not tell you much about themselves, but in what they tell you about their world, they tell you everything there is to know. And yeah, even bloggers open up after a few drunken posts. Me? I wear my blog on my sleeve. It doesn't take an answer sheet in the back of the book to connect the blog dots of Robfact and Robfiction.

If you watched John Hughes' films you know he was a romantic, a dreamer. Only a dreamer could give us clear cut characters.

a brain,

an athlete,

a basket case,

a princess

a criminal.

In real life, we're all little diamonds containing little facets of each of these. The lucky ones get to see my princess side.

"Rob, the pink chiffon really isn't you."

That's ok, I didn't think the pink dress looked good on Molly either. She'd have been greater in green. Still, John Hughes showed us a bit of who we really are, as well as who we wanted to be.

In many cases that included being whoever it took to not be alone. Some Kind of Wonderful was all about bearing loneliness to be with the right person. It's a grand concept, yet so many times we fail. It's just so intoxicating to be who it takes to feel loved.

It's easier. Look at Molly's boy hunk in Sixteen Candles. While he's talking with the nerd boy, he's sharing that he wants somebody to love him for who he is.

Really? Is this going to be a Brokeback moment? Of course not, because even brokeback highschool boys aren't all about feeling loved. I was in high school once. I remember it. Even the guys who had "feelings" only felt to get closer to the girls. That's not to say that guys can't evolve, but in high school, we were traditionally interested in one growth. Loneliness and feelings come later.

It's true. We all have our stories of loneliness and the people who brought us from the brink. I was reminiscing John Hughes with the Pirate Queen this weekend and I mentioned Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Not a favorite of mine, but I get choked up at the end. Every time I see John Candy alone on Thanksgiving, while Steve Martin puts the pieces together. I always see me in the John Candy role.

"Not everything is an anecdote, Rob."

Sure, it's mostly self pity, but don't we all share in some of that? That's another thing John Hughes showed us in the singing cry of Ferris Bueller's Cameron:

"When Cameron was in Egypt land...let my Cameron go…"

I totally identified with Cameron. In fact, I think Cameron was one baseball bat and a dark alley away from giving Ferris his final day off. In that John showed us that we Camerons need to free ourselves.

What does any of this have to do with divorce?

To my knowledge, John never covered the topic of divorce. Sure there were characters who'd survived it, but it was more of a character issue than a theme. Maybe that's what we need to learn: Divorce is a dark event in our past. If we let it, it can make us strong for our future. We learn and move on. Otherwise it paralyzes us and we're locked repeating the same mistakes for all the wrong reasons.

When I think of my marriage I see it as a John Hughes flashback with some timely bittersweet backbeat. A familiar song I've heard a million times and will sing again and again. The good, the bad, and all the stuff in between meld to the soundtrack of the ten years of marital outtakes.

My story doesn't go the way Iexpected, but it still has a happy ending. That's what I'd like to believe. I'm

a brain,

an athlete,

a basket case,

a princess

a criminal.

And I am a romantic.

Thanks John.