Why wont he leave me alone? 

well you guys are right. i will limit the calls. actually when the kids are not home i will not answer the house phone if i know its him..usually i do. all he does is demand from me and i am not married to him..wtf...and i will respond that he must use email from now on.. i refuse to talk to him anymore.

thanks for all your help..


cherbear

Only you can end it. It is in your power.  Practice with a friend. Seriously if that helps.  I was sort of like you. Not as bad but I have no problem hanging up on him...lol.

I do understand.  I would jump when the ex said something like dinner or his ironing. Yeah, I know...I ironed.  His complaint about me, that I did not play with the kids. What????

Here was the schedule....I get up, get the boys ready for school, lunches & drop them off.  Get myself to work. Come back, ex picked them up because I finally put my foot down, I started dinner, drove daughter to soccer ran back to finish dinner & give boys a bath. Drove back to pick up daugher from soccer. Serve dinner, wash and read to boys at night.  Meanwhile there was a load in the washer and then transfered to dryer. Did he help? Nope. He played with the boys.

Ok, so one day I announced that he was right. So from now on he would have to wash his own clothes & iron them too.  With regards to dinner he would have to make dinner 3 out of the seven days.  I wanted to play with boys.  Can we say heart attack????   He was VERY upset.  I held my ground. He would ask at first...what's for dinner and I would respond, I don't know what are you making? lol

When I first started here he sent me this awful letter how bad of a mother I was. It really did a number on me. I was upset the entire weekend. I think I wrote a blog or emailed Lenn. I was falling apart. They have that much control over us.  Now when he calls I don't even say hello. 

He called me one morning to demand, "when is Donuts for Dad at the school." My reply, "don't know. I am not a father. Call the school."   I proceeded to hang up on him.  Normally I would have jumped & called the neighbors & etc.   It felt good.  He called me one more time on the cell, I never heard and did not bother returning the call. One upset cat....lol

Be strong or he will run over you.  Limit the calls.

I limit my calls with the ex, to what did the doctor say.  All other communication is via text or e-mail.  It still is mean and hateful but at least it doesn't require an immediate reaction from me me, and that has be the part that is the best!, No more pushing my buttons.

Limit his calls to one a week.  Or 2 a month.  He is running your life.

i will have to start saying no because he just wants the control..he took me to court trying to say i am a bad mother and he lost, but he still wont stop this shit.. i am just sooo tired of his bull shit..thanks for the imput. he has had control for 21 years, i think its time to put a stop to it. and lifeinpurgatory, you are right he could never do what i do for these kids. he will give up in 2 days if he knew what i did. i am busy 24 hours a day with my kids..

thanks guys for the help..

Ask him how you can possibly get things done when all you do is sit on the phone and get harrassed by him.  When he calls, tell him you're busy, what does he needs.  If he starts in, say I don't mean to be rude, but I've got things to tend to and hang up.   Don't let him have that control.

And as far as him doing all you do, no way could he do it.  You know it, I don't know him and I know it. 

You don't want to be rude but he's being rude to you, so a hang up should send him a clear message that he can't control you anymore.

Just say NO.  Or limit you're communications.  If he doesn't respect your boundaries, don't talk to him.

Don't answer calls.  If he texts that phone call is for kids then tell him you will hang up (if you decide to answer) if he doesn't bring up only what is necessary for the kids.  If he knows you don't like to hang up then when you answer he will use that to his advantage.  If you are on the phone with him and don't want to talk any longer just tell him you have to do something important and you have to go.

how do i stop giving him control? I dont know how i am giving control..this is hard for me..

You're giving him way too much control, or at least credit for having control.  The only one who has control over your life now is you.

Realize and enjoy.

curious,
   i told him that i dont want to talk to him on the phone,but everytime he calls for the kids and i answer the phone he asks for the kids and i tell him  that they are outside playing then he continues and says can i ask you something and then his complaits start. i dont like to hang up on people but he just does not let me get a word in at all...

Have you tried to just text or email instead of phone calls?  At least you are in control to some extent that way by only discussing what you want.  He probably would be much more understanding if he had to do it for a week.  Being a single parent is a full time job.