The Everchanging Force 

Things change. Whoever said that must have been a marketer for a diaper service, cuz lets face it, change is crap.  Forget all the PR about the adventure and everything. Change? Yeah, I'm not really good at change. I don't even carry anything smaller than singles.

See? Another bad joke. I told you, I don't do change.  If you're looking for the last bastion dedicated to the proliferation of all things fuddy-duddy, welcome to my blog.  I'm Rob, I'll be your host this evening, and every evening. I like things the same.

The other day MyEx called.

"Hi Rob."

"Hi!"

See? More of the same.  That was followed by more same, and then a quick curve into a changed same.

"So I wanted your opinion on something."

Ok, hang on a second. The question didn't change, but my perspective has.  Back when we were married it was easy. All I had to do was be supportive and help her achieve her goal in any way I could. In marriage, I am the Chihuahua of support, and I've got the yap of encouragement and the razor teeth of persistence.

Now it's different. I have to look at things from a distant perspective, and I'm really limited in ways I can help. I can't even include me in the equation. It's all you, baby. I'm a gun firing blanks.

"Ok, shoot."

"Well I'm thinking of becoming a Jedi Knight, and I wanted to know If you thought I could do it."

Wow.  How do I answer that? Things have changed! Nothing makes that more obvious than Darth Ex turning to the light side. There are so many ways I could answer it. I know if I wanted, this would be a great time for retribution. She's on a precipice, and I could blow her off with just the wind of words.

"Well, the last time you tried something long term, you gave up. How would this turn out any different?"

I could have said that, and who knows, if I'd remained bitter, I might have. The problem is: I changed. I didn't want to, but I got over my divorce. The woman on the phone now, she's changed too. She's not the woman I married, but she's not the woman I divorced either.

In that, we're the same. We're two people trying to make the best of our lives in the world we live. MyEx, She's trying to make good use of her mind tricks. She was always good at them during marriage.

"These are not the waffles you're looking for."

"These are not the waffles I'm looking for."

So she has the raw skill. But any career change requires more than raw skill, I haven't spent "quality" time with her in over two years.  How do I qualify her abilities?  Is that even my job anymore? I'm the Ex husband. I'm the guy she accidentally bumps into at the grocery store and goes, "Oh, uhm, hi." then steals the waffles from my cart.

This is the crux of change. Do I change because we've changed? Of course there is change just because there is a change, but do I have to change more than my relational clothing? Do I have to change who I am?

She came to me because she remembered the Rob who'd weigh out problems and tell her not what she wanted to know, but what she needed to know.

In the past, I probably would have blown an ex off. Oh I wouldn't be mean, but I probably would have said something like, "Sure, you'd be perfect.  The force will be with you, always."

Now I'm older. She came expecting more than that from me. I'm finding I expect more than that from me too.

"Well, you do have the shear force of will, and I don't mean that in a bad way."

And so I begin. I tell her what I think. I advise her to the pitfalls of gathering clientele and even let her know her weaknesses.

"Uhm, you might find the name Darth Vitriolic might conflict with your warm fuzzy Jedi Message--but that's just me. I don't really understand the Jedi business. "

So in the end I spent a half hour discussing the pros and cons of a new beginning with MyEx.  It was very different than the last time we had a "New Beginning" conversation.

I still hate change, but I guess not all of it is bad. Sometimes it leads to growth--no matter how hard I kick and scream against it. 

Now if I can just find my waffles...