Trying to move on 

Can't get closure cause I don't know what happened. He was childish and selfish, but we loved each other or so I thought.

I wake up in the middle of the night still, wondering what happened and why this time he left and didn't come back.

I can't figure out how to get into the being single scene. I am not a party animal, don't really know anybody. My whole world was my homelife, my husband, my son, our dogs & cats, my job, his illnesses, taking care of home as best I could working 48 hours a week as an er nurse. My routine has not change one bit except for the aspects that involved my (ex)husband.
I have an occasional day where I don't think about that life or that man. And congratulate myself, but then I'm sad and the whole process starts all over again.
I still cry myself to sleep many nights a week, not as many fortunately, and cry even less frequently at certain songs that come on the radio.
It's not even like I've never been divorced before, this isn't my first rodeo. But, I can't shake this one. I feel like he died, there has been no closure. I don't know what made him leave for good this time. (In a 10 year relationship, 5 married he left, and came back many times, that was just one of his characteristics I think). I just never thought he would leave forever. And yes I did through email tell him this was the last time and we were over, but he never even argued back. Agreed to everything, signed anything I sent him. And we were divorced just over 2 mos after he left. I have not seen him since the day he packed up and left me, my son, sons friend and the dogs on vacation in Hot Springs, thank god we drove 2 cars.
Haven't seen a therapist, really think I need to start thinking about it. So maybe I'll think of something else.