ugh. im such a glutton for this crap 

She comes back a hour or so later and tells me that they spoke a lil. She gave my ex my grandmas new cell phone number (which i have no freaking clue why, im trying to get my family to disconnect along with me, not help her out!) she didnt really have a reason why, she just did. then she goes on to tell me that my ex told her that she has 3 months to figure out what to do with the car scenario. RED FLAG! STOP! CEASE! and i asked her to repeat what she said, and she did and it was the same as she had just said.

Soooooo now im irritated as i just spoke on the phone to my ex last friday and laid out the plans to her of what needs to happen to the car, which she agreed too (trust me it was shocking). The idea was to get the car re financed in her name solely or sell the freaking car (sorry, im bitter and not about the car). So when this information was brought to me i started getting fairly upset and knew that i was going to have to speak with my ex to clarify things AGAIN. i sent a email to her work address, sat, pondered and tried calling. no answer. so now im mildly peeved and i figured i had to go to the gym so i headed out making her work the first stop.

i ask her to come outside her store and lay out the car plans. immediately she denies saying what my mom told me. i stopped her and made sure she wasnt calling my mother a lier, because shes done ALOT for that girl and for her to call her that would be....disrespectful to say the least. so she plays it off as it was miscommunicated. i clarify my stance on the car and she agrees. no problems.

then all hell breaks loose inside me. i ask how she is, i ask when she is getting her own place, i ask when she is getting a counselor. she has nothing but excuses for all those "places are expensive" "i cant decide where i want to live" "i dont want to get a counselor until i know where im living". after that bs i go in deeper, i dunno what comes over me, but its not very nice when it does. i tell her to make her facebook private so the rest of us with class dont have to see the pics of her dancing on bars in mini skirts. that i was going to start a pool for betting to see how long it takes for her to hit bottom and have nothing but a friends couch to sleep on etc.

i dunno why i do this fellow readers. i dont know where it comes from. she in return gets upset and pissed that i bring this to her work, that i say the things i say, that she is happy doing what shes doing, shes sorry she cant do all the things that i do (which confused the heck outta me), that she doesnt do "this" kind of stuff to me etc. i then in turn say im sorry for doing it but im upset that because of her and this situation i have anxiety issues etc and she doesnt say anything. great.

i leave and do a massive workout at the gym, the whole time thinking of what just happened and how upset and regretful i am that i even went as far as to go there let alone say the things i did.

agh i need counseling. i dont want to continue doing this to her and more imortantly myself.

i know i know. the simple answer is not to do anything at all, disconnect, cut ties etc. but i cant seem to keep it in when i see or hear something that involves her. she left 2 months ago now and papers were filed last week. so this is all fresh. im not ignorant to advice but at the same time it is all still confusing.