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Cynical?

One of my friends and peers got married less than a week before my divorce was final....I don't think he has been divorced a full year yet...as far as it being final...He dated one girl for about 5-6 months but they quit dating soon after his divorce was final...(He did not cheat on his wife)...He started dating this girl he married like maybe 3 months ago....I told him congrats....between the two of them they have 6 kids....Even though I told him congrats, inside I was thinking, "What the fuck are you thinking?"

Today was the first day we have seen each other in person since both events happened, my divorce and his marriage...I hugged him and told him I wished him happiness....I really do too....I just think he has lost his mind...Other peers of ours wanted to take us out after work for a shot and a drink...I was like, no, sorry, have to get home....I did really have to get home, not just an excuse...

I have thought of him often and wondered what he was feeling inside...Wondered if he is just the type of person who can't be alone...This is the same man that hit on me in December while we were in Texas and again in February while we were at a conference...I really like him as my friend and peer but definitely not as anything else...

As peers and friends, we can connect and joke around and we are buds...Had we been anything else, I would have probably have kicked his ass...Does he actually feel love that easily for someone else or does a warm body so he isn't alone enough for him? I know that for me, being a warm body for someone is not enough...Maybe it is because my own divorce took a lot out of me as far as self-esteem...Something I am rebuilding and not doing too bad at...but only because I will not allow myself to be in a position where I feel like I am an "any woman would do"....

I truly do hope things work out for him and that they are both very happy...He is my friend and I do want that for him....Of course, he didn't tell me beforehand that he was getting married, lol, he knew what my reaction would be...I guess friends can read each other pretty well....

I am not against the institution of marriage...In fact, that is part of the issue for me....It means a great dea and is not something to be taken lightly...It is supposed to be a true life long commitment...Believe me, if I ever decide to take that step again, it will be baby steps all the way...Long engagement, like say, 3-4 years...lol....No, I can't say what will or won't happen but less than a year after a divorce is final? I sure as hell hope I wouldn't be that crazy....(not meaning to offend someone in that situation, just not for me.)

by militaryp 2950 Posts

Posted on 7/1/2009 8:51 PM

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Comments for "Cynical?" (10) (You must be logged in to answer)

I think too many people jump back into marriage againway too quickly.....which leads to more problems.

I have no interest at this point in ever getting married again. No man will ever again do to me what my stbxh has done, in effect, devastate me mentally and financially. No thank you!
As for dating, I am not even ready to go that route......I am quite happy right now just living my life....why should I go and muck things up?

:)

by zuki 685 Posts
Posted on 7/3/2009 11:17 AM

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There's a reason the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is even higher than for first ones. Obviously Mike (your friend) and his new wife Carol (Brady) haven't read the statistics.

by Iam 474 Posts
Posted on 7/2/2009 5:02 PM

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I think we are cynical. I am in a loving relationship but would I ever consider getting married. NO. I have told him as much. Maybe it is too soon but I really feel that way.

I can't go through what I did with the ex. I don't think I could do it again.

He asked me if I would ever consider it again. Sure, when I am 90, if we both make it that long.

If we are really in love, would a piece of paper actually change anything? I think not.

by vlady 2119 Posts
Posted on 7/2/2009 9:20 AM

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Hmm.. I dunno. I believe in fate and who knows, if he met someone right out of marriage, maybe the wife wasn't the "one" and the one right behind her is the "one". Or it could be like you said, a warm body, or not wanting to be alone and took the first opportunity.

I guess time will tell all.

by lifeinpurgatory 1830 Posts
Posted on 7/1/2009 11:49 PM

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At first when all this started, I thought to myself, I will show her and find a young pretty thing. Looking back, that would have been the worst thing to do. Could just be that your friend isn't ready to admit that things go wrong and to sit back and examine the situation. I do wish him luck and a lifetime of happiness but to just go and get involved and even married again so soon after his divorce is not right. There has to be a grieving period, a time to learn about yourself and a time to learn to like yourself again.

by Jamesalone 2776 Posts
Posted on 7/1/2009 10:50 PM

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"Your" friend. Typed too fast - oops!

by HereIgo 756 Posts
Posted on 7/1/2009 9:54 PM

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I've met 2 women since filing. We've gone out, had good times.

For me though, it's way too soon for anything. I enjoy their company, but I begin to feel my new freedom slipping a bit and I don't like it.

I wish our friend all the happiness in the World, but like you, I'd be thinkin' WTF!!??

by HereIgo 756 Posts
Posted on 7/1/2009 9:53 PM

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I have a very wise guy friend who explained a bit of why men (sorry guys, not all of you do this) jump into another relationship so quickly after ending one. Part of it is ego, but mostly, it's that they don't want to be alone. Some just don't know how to be alone. It doesn't make them bad people, but it could mean some really bad choices.

by Kitty7470 2620 Posts
Posted on 7/1/2009 9:21 PM

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Mili. I have been divorced 2 1/2 yrs separated 3 yrs the end of this month. I met someone almost a year after I was separated, and we have been together for 2 yrs. now. We got engaged over new years, and as time goes by I am in no hurry to get married again. I have realized that with the passing of every day my feelings change about life. After I got divorced I thought that being in a relationship with someone was really important and that I should get married again. However, now I'm not feeling that as much. I like having someone there when I want someone there, however, I also like having my time to me. I have realized that I don't need a man to make me feel worthy. I am worthy just the way I am. A very long time ago I had a friend whose aunt was widowed and she was seeing someone pretty steadily and she said that she didn't have any desire to get married again, I didn't understand it then and now I do. Since we became engaged I at first wanted to get married by the end of the year, however, now it's not that important. I enjoy my work now and I enjoy where I am living cuz I'm close to one of my daughter's and her family. I think that marriage after divorce needs to be approached slowly. Because your feelings are everchanging and you need time to adjust and take life slowly. For you, you said that you have some self-esteem issues. I think you can stop worrying about that. You have the respect of the soldier's that work for you and are associated with you. I understand where you are coming from but I think that you are doing an amazing job. You have more guts than I do especially with that T-shirt. Still love that. Melaine.

by melaine 425 Posts
Posted on 7/1/2009 9:21 PM

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I'm with you. I think after divorce I would want to date or be engaged much longe than the first time. I don't think I would be anywhere near being ready to remarry a year after divorce. To me it sounds like a rebound thing but for both of their sakes I hope not.

by curious123 978 Posts
Posted on 7/1/2009 9:00 PM

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