Blog

It's Been a Whole Year

I haven't blogged in quite a while.....haven't really felt the need to.

But recently, I've begun to feel sad all over again. It's been a year since he went to see the lawyer (without me knowing about it). It's been a year since I've hugged and kissed him. Right up until the day he left, he maintained this image of a married man in love with his wife. Yes, I knew there were problems, but he kept insisting that he still loved me and wanted to stay married to me. Then on July 4, he came home and said he didn't love me like he used to and .......left.

Here's the weird part: I DON'T want him back. I've never asked him to come back. Then why the hell do I still feel so lousy? I don't think I still love him. Can you love someone you hate so much? I don't know. I went for months and really didn't think about him.....now, I can't stop from thinking about him.......with her. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me. I'm so tired of feeling sad and alone and lost. I'm so tired of not knowing what is going to happen. I can usually talk myself into being happier. Think about things I really want to do......things that are now possible, but weren't when we were together.

I'm usually way more upbeat than this.....I just feel so overwhelmed with sadness right now. I have a sister who is not married, never been married and a good bit older than me......she has kind of taken over (or tried! LOl!) So, I'm busy fighting off her personality and what she thinks is best for me and my children (oh, she doesn't have any children of her own, but she taught for 33 years.....) All I ever hear is "you need to do this" or "You should do that" or "did you take care of that?" Really, I'm not 4 years old! It's funny, really.....kind of like when I was married!

Well, I've rambled and vented and cried.......feel a bit better. Thanks for listening!

by angielou 1563 Posts

Posted on 6/8/2009 11:11 PM

Get Alerts!

send to friend

Send to a friend

It's Been a Whole Year on divorce360.com

E-mail: Separate multiple addresses with commas(,)

From (Your name) :

Your e-mail address:

0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Tags:

<< Previous Post |

Blog posts by angielou

| Next Post >>

Comments for "It's Been a Whole Year" (10) (You must be logged in to answer)

I know exactly whatyou are saying Ang.....My X's birthday is today....The 2nd one now I was not a part of....Its hard to believe I have came this far Its like just going thru the motions one day at a time! We ave no other choice!

We WILL be OK tho'.........hang in!!!

***Gentle Huggz***

by __STRIKER__ 1399 Posts
Posted on 6/10/2009 1:21 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Will be a year on July 5th, the day I packed my car and left for CA. Still have those days where I miss what once was. But I know it's not what I want now, at least not with him, and I know it would never be what it once was either. I think it's the loneliness right now that makes me go there...

by kdb 3175 Posts
Posted on 6/9/2009 11:11 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

I feel your pain goin thru same thing good luck

by newyork5 46 Posts
Posted on 6/9/2009 10:14 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

I think sometimes when we get sad it's not necessarily that we miss our exes but the thought of what it could have been.

I get sad when I think, if he only didn't have a temper we could have conquered the world.

If he only didn't verbally abuse me we'd have an enviable marriage.

If if if....i guess if IF's were 5th's we'd all be drunk!

by lifeinpurgatory 1830 Posts
Posted on 6/9/2009 10:00 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Hey Angielou! I can't necessarily speak for you but I know I felt similarly in the course of my healing. In my case I think it was more like a phantom limb syndrome. As much as I loved MyEx durring our marriage, what we had was gone--removed like a gangrenous leg. All the bitter words and tears shared when she asked for a divorce severed me from "us."

After she moved out I started healing, and that became a sort of rollercoaster with highs and lows. I wanted it back, but I didn't want her, the woman who left me, back. I wanted what we had. I wanted to be whole again, to be"us" again. Unfortunately, even if I went back on both knees, there was no going back to what I wanted.

The good news is that this is a passing thing. Yes it hurts, but it's part of the greiving process. It shows that you're human, and you did care. On the way to healing, there will be days like this. Keep your head up, Angielou.

by Robert-Boyd 5134 Posts
Posted on 6/9/2009 12:20 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

HIC. Nice helpful info! I read that and it seems real good for the healing process.

by Heartbrokepicker 418 Posts
Posted on 6/9/2009 11:07 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

A year for me on June 12th! Hurrah!

I don't think 'better' is the term...I think we just grow accustomed to the emotions and they don't affect us as much.

It comes and goes. I'm still going through, and you are too. Try to forgive them every night. Here is a great website to look at:

http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-get-over-your-ex-20231.html

by HurtInColorado 1139 Posts
Posted on 6/9/2009 10:18 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

HUGS. Itll be a year for me on June 29th. I have most of the same feelings as you do. I also have an older sister but she is married with a kid and now Im single and do not have kids and man does she think she knows everything. But she is in the camp of "My problems are worse than your divorce cuz I have a kid."

I hope it gets better for you! I understand how you feel.

by rebec311 611 Posts
Posted on 6/9/2009 10:07 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

i am there to

by ann101 870 Posts
Posted on 6/9/2009 1:27 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

(((HUGS)))

by delia_M 2861 Posts
Posted on 6/8/2009 11:19 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.

It's Been a Whole Year

help you budget and plan

definitions from "alimony" to "writ of execution"

divorce, custody and child support links by state

get help now