what would it take for you to take them back???????? 

Thanks flutterby, lifeinpurgatory, and spinner. Your thoughts are so very, very appreciated. Spinner, at least your ex feels shame because she can't look you in the face. Mine was blowing me kisses in front of my attorney at our case management hearing. Very cocky, smug SOB he is.  This shouldn't be the worst thing to go thru in life but it sure feels like it. My head is constantly thinking and it's because i have neither closure nor space to get myself on a track to getting back to me. I don;t know how many times he's cheated other than this affair but i opened my life up to myself and realized there were no shortage of opportunities for him to do so. So seeing as he took this chance i'm sure he's taken them before. How do you seperate your head from your heart and with that how do you get your heart to listen to your head? And with that why the hell is my heart still so damn opened to this person who keeps hurting me? Questions, there are loads and likely 9 million different answers for each. I'm living as though i'm afraid of whats to come and afraid of the final loss of this chapter in my life. I am hoping that with the divorce will come some relief because I am drained.

That's a difficult one. I can tell you that my soon to be Ex cheated on me and she won't even look me in the face. I could never trust her again and that's my biggest dilema. We could never work things out now. Coming from a guy to a lady, he's a cheater and has a cheater eye. He will never clean his act up. Once a guy gets that mentality he can never be trusted. You need a guy that will love you and only you. You dont need this guy in your life. Find someone that will treat you like you should be treated. If not he will do this again or at least try. Hes not worth it.

Maybe start by giving him a male chastity belt?  :-)  Just kidding.

I can't give you advice because I think I'd be biased.  I don't like nor respect liars, much less cheaters.  To me that would be a no brainer....see ya and don't let the door hit your ass.

But I think since you are on the fence with this you still have some sort of love for him.

I'd say maybe intense counseling?  Do you think he'll stop lying to you?  Do you think he's done with the cheating?

Well, wish I had something more constructive to say but I do hope you make the right decision that will bring you peace and happiness in your life.

lvmykids, there are a ton of programs out there to survive infidelity and affairs.  I've done unbelievable amounts of research.  My stbx wasn't "ready" and when he started to consider it I decided that I was better than that.  I stood by him through thick and thin and he treats me that way, uhmm, I don't think so.

This is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt.  I would do what it takes to make yourself healthy and happy, that will only benefit your relationship with your children.  As you continue to learn about yourself and grow, you will be able to make healthier decisions in regards to your husband and the marriage.  Through this process maybe you can do joint counseling.  The key to this is you both have to be completely open and honest; completely transparent.  That was impossible for my stbx.  He couldn't keep his lies straight.

Only you can decide what is best for you.  If he is willing and this is something you want then take the right steps.  If it doesn't work out you will at least be able to hold you head up high and say you tried everything.  God Bless.