The OW invading MY town 

I’ve been trying for days to come up with the words for this blog.  I am in a situation where I feel lost.  Brief recap of my circumstances.  My stbxh has a sex addiction.  I found out 12 years into our marriage.  We have been married 22 years this Oct.  I stood by him because I felt it was an illness & vows say, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.”  It’s just what you are supposed to do.  I’ve been trying for years to help him.  I know, I know, an addict can only help himself.  Last summer my depression got really bad & our communication was not good.  I knew he was struggling with his addiction and it gets to me sometimes.  Well, in Jan. he told me that he felt his addiction was spiraling out of control & he wanted to move out & focus on his recovery so when he came back to his family he would be a better man.  My 2 girls & I did everything we could to make this an easy transition for him becuz WE LOVE HIM.  We helped find him a decent apartment, we made sure the place was completely furnished, we stocked his pantry, I gave him the good towels etc. In Feb. we found out he had been having an affair since Sept., they love each other & he hasn’t loved me for a long time.  She “understands” him.  EXCUSE ME?! 

Fast forward to today.  There isn’t legal separation in TX.  He told me in May that he was going to establish boundaries with the OW while he worked on his recovery.  She showed up a few days later & stayed for 2 weeks.  I filed for divorce the next day.  I did it to protect me & my girls financially.  I never wanted to finalize the divorce.  He took that as me giving up & him going full force with the OW.

This woman is frightening.  She continues to email me & tell me how sorry she is but they are so much in love & maybe this is what God intended…what a bunch of crap!  I’m sorry, the God I believe in doesn’t condone adultery.  She constantly begs that we forgive her & she hopes we can all be friends some day.  She keeps telling my stbx that our girls will come around some day & accept her.  Good luck with that.

My dilemma.  She lives 400 miles away.  She lost her job in Dec. & is trying to start a non-profit.  She is foreclosing on her home & is now moving here.  My kids have asked their dad to try & transfer with his company & move THERE.  This is a small town & they don’t want to have to worry about running into them anywhere.  They don’t want to have anything to do with him when she’s here.  He’s a different person when she’s around.  He says he doesn’t want to abandon his kids.  My 20 year old told him he should have thought of that when he DID abandon them in Jan.  It was too late now, go ahead & move.

She emailed me again.  She says I am keeping everyone from being happy.  I’m divorcing the guy.  I didn’t realize I had so much power.   I finally contacted the police and started the paperwork for harassment.  She will not give up.  My stbx says we don’t know her & if we would have met under different circumstances we would like each other.  She entered a relationship with a married man, with 2 kids & a sex addiction.  Sorry, not my kind of friend.

Guys, I don’t know how those of you with the OW/OM in town handle it.  I know I don’t have anything to be ashamed of.  I didn’t do any of this & was willing to do what it took to save my marriage.  But I couldn’t do it alone.  She is bad news.  How do I get past feeling like a prisoner in my own town?  Whenever she is here I feel on edge & like I can’t go anywhere.  How will I cope if she is here 24/7?   Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.