You missed it….I hope YOU are HAPPY. 

yes well said there my ex wouldnt do any thing with the 3 kids on there events it was like pulling teeth and now that he has visitation every other weekend and every other holiday he sees what he is missing from being around his kids full time never wanted to do any of that when we was a family he was selfish wanted to do what he wanted to do no one else. and he gets 3 weeks in the summer with them . one dont have nothing to do with him but the other 2 do. but he now sees what he has missed over 15 yrs of what we had together.. and yes he is getting remarried this year after 2yrs divorce and yes im mom and dad and i am glad that i can spend that much time with my kids he chooses not to unless its convient for him i agree with the post ...100%! well said! and to any and all moms and single dads raising our kids by our selves give urselfs a pat on the back for not being selfish and taking the responsibility the other spouse chooses not too.

Love this post!!   Was a single Mom myself for many years.  Well Said!!

Very well said!!! You are such a wonderful mom.  One day he will regret missing all these things.

So true!!! I completely feel the same way. There is  not a moment that I feel regret for choosing my kids and the life my kids and I are sharing. I cannot fathom how he can be happy leaving it all behind.....for what? I treasure every moment. I am glad to know that there are others out there who see beauty and value in being a responsible, loving, selfless parent and putting your kids first.

I feel that way too,, my stbx is also very selfish and put his own needs first.  He claims to be sad that he misses things and that the kids don't want to see him.  His choices all led to that.  Life goes on and he opted to be out of theirs,, his loss.

There are plenty of good men who are divorced as well. I have joint custody and actually my kids continue to spend more and more time with me. I divorced my wife and not my kids. Just one important thing...I understand the bitterness just try not to let the kids see it in you. Peace

This is awesome.  My kids are older and he knows exactly what he is missing.  But he still continues to make bad choices.  I don't get it.  I keep telling my stbxh "I hope she's worth it because you are giving up an awful lot for an unknown."  I don't hope he's happy.  I know he will be miserable when he realizes what he's lost.  Bitter, I know, but there is so much out there waiting for me and my girls and he will no longer be a part of it.

So sweet and so postive. What a spectacular mom you must be!

well stated. I feel the same way. I wouldn't trade those good night kisses and hugs for nothing in the world.

Awesome!!!

This is why I don't leave and put up with her crap of wanting to go out and be with her friends at p/u bars. I love spending time with my kids and playing games and I love it when they ask for help with their home work. I am so sorry for his loss, he does not knw what he is missing but i'm glad your getting to enjoy their childhood.

I have to say this elec don't comapre this man to his father they are 2 seperate men and plus you do not know what his father went through. Your husband is doing what he thinks is best and let the kids decide what he missed out of their life your to close to it.

Very well said!  There are plenty of tough times when you are the only parent in the home, but I wouldn't trade that time with  my kids growing up for anything!

My x chose to trade all of that and more for a piece of a*s. Hmmm... hardly seems like the better deal to me!

Well said. This brought tears to my eyes because these are exactly the things that make me happy. Being with my son and experiencing all of these kinds of things with him. Hearing about his experiences when he's not with me brings me sadness.

Read about Narcissism. I just try to remind myself that my STBX is a narcissist. My son only brings him happiness when it's convenient for my STBX. He actually calls me to take my son when my STBX is feeling under the weather and tired. Shit. I've managed to take care of my son while in debilitatinig pain calling 911 for an ambulance to take me to the hospital which resulted in a three day stay and surgery. My son comes first...me second. If my son is happy then I can be happy. It saddness me when I see other parents who can't feel that kind of happiness and who can't be that selfless.

I didn't say that children only learn from good experiences.  Sounds like your ex learned quite a bit from his father.  My point was that they learn the most from what they do and see and less from what they hear.
Tell them not to mistreat women.  Tell them to value their spouse and they might listen.  But model the behavior you want to see in them and they will very likely follow.  
I hope my boys do not follow the path that I have taken to find the love of my life (I will do everything I can to help them avoid this experience), but now that I have found her, I feel the best thing I can do aside from being certain that they never have to question my love for them, is show my children what a loving relationship looks like.  I also hope that my wife can do the same with the man she has found.

sorry for venting!

Sad post...but so true......my list would be a mile long...I stay very busy with my daughter and "he" is never around anymore, nor calls to check on her (until its his weekend).....he is to busy with his 5 step children.....thats ok, really...cause he was an abusive bastard anyway!

I am so glad your kids have YOU in their lives.

this was wonderfully written.

this is a great post.. my ex did the same thing. he had a lot of misses with my kids too. he missed football games, hs ring ceremony, graduation pictures and many more things too. its sad when they preach so much about family and do nothing to be a good parent. now he is trying to make up for lost time and now its too late for my oldest. she now does not care if he is around or not. what breaks my heart the most is that she does not even want to spend fathers  day with him..  thats sad. but you are a great person and keep doing what you are doing. it will pay off later.

i know it has for me ..

Ye, he missed it. A lot more than what is listed, like being a real man and such. I think he missed a lot for a long time, but you and the kids are the biggest miss on his part.

Maybe he is happy, if not, maybe he won't notice he missed that to.

I am not sure that kids learn from their experiences because my X is doing the EXACT same thing his father did to his mother, he hated his father till the day he died for what his dad did, or what he didn't do for him and his sister. Yet here we are, almost deja vue of his childhood.

If your ex isn't taking every second of his time with the kids to show them that he loves them, there isn't much you can or should do about it.  I don't know which is worse for a child, to have a father who is physically there, but not emotionally, or to have no father at all.
You are doing what they need and they know you love them.  This you can control.  Remember that children learn from experience and from what they see more than what they hear.  You can tell them their father is a good man or a bad man everyday, but he will be the one who either proves or disproves your words.

Not that you need me to tell you this, but it's o.k. to be angry, by the way...eventhough you aren't.

We have 80/20 custody.

My x is not gone. He is a very selfish man who decided his happiness was much more important than of his family or even more than his kids. I was not 100% happy but I put the family first and worked hard at making things good....nothing was going to be good enough. He chose his pension over his kids, he choses to be at the gym when he does have visitation, he chosed to be at his gf's house when he does have visitation. The kids do not enjoy their time with him because it is always about him, never about them.....I could go on for pages but won't bore you to tears.

I am not angry....anymore....I used to be angry. Now I am just sad for the kids he chose to bring into this world, now they are not shiny enough to hold his attention and off he runs to the newest shiny object. My kids polish themselves everyday hoping they will be enough to get his attention and it is hard to watch.

Is he completely gone?  If not, how much does he see the kids?
I am not gone, but it's pretty clear that my wife wants me to be.  I get texts/emails like that (with more insults) almost daily.  It hurts to know I'm missing some things, but the biggest hurt is knowing that my children wish I was there.  
I offer the following not knowing what kind of man your ex is, so if I'm off base I apologize.  However, assuming he's a good father/bad husband, your ex knows everything that he is missing.  Your post is poignant and honest, but it's easy to see the anger in it.  Good idea to let out that anger here instead of sending an email to the ex.