My date 

I had a date with my husband on Saturday to celebrate my birthday and our 4th wedding anniversary. I was trying not to have high expectations, for all that I thought I should have been allowed them. He picked me up and had a card and champagne for me. As I read the card, he began to cry. He apologized and stated it had been a hard couple of weeks for him. I said I understood and no apologies were necessary. We left for dinner.

It was a pretty nice restaurant and a good meal. I chattered a lot, as is my nervous habit. We had a nice enough time. Went back to my place as my roommie was out for the night. I put on some new lingerie and we snuggled on the couch. We then retired to the bedroom.

Hmmm. I told him he could stay the night...but I didn't really feel like it, to be honest. He then said he had a sour stomach and he should leave anyway. I was ok with that.

I didn't feel passion, heat, desire. I didn't feel the need for him to stay. There wasn't any real romance in the evening. I felt a bit numb and indifferent, really.

That night was pretty telling. I've decided to revisit the situation in Sept, as that will make 6 months of separation and a direction to take should be a bit more clear for me at that point. Everything that happened was important, whether good or bad.

Is it possible that I'm finally getting on with my own life as he's decided not to be a big part of it? I can imagine a future without him, and it doesn't have to be bleak. I know now that the ball is more in my court than ever. He can't give anymore than he already has. and for once, I'm admitting that I'm not alright with that effort.