Fresh and New in over again too! 

I am officially in MELTDOWN. I am at my lowest point since the first days of my separation. Moving on seemed to be the most appropriate topic for this post. The relationship I started way back when (too soon after separating) in now OVER. I am, to say the least, devastated, embarrassed by my poor judgement and choices through out my whole separation. Instead of taking time to restore and take care of myself, I started a new relationship. I knew better and it was against my own advice. But I dove headfirst straight into the deep end. I have known the whole time that he wasn't someone I could be with forever and that it would have to come to an end eventually. I had already tried to break things off a few weeks back because things had gotten tense between us lately and we needed to move on. I thought he would be on board with it. But instead it seemed like a big shock to him and he told me that I meant a lot to him and I would always have a place in his heart. That was the most real thing he had said to me the entire time we had been seeing each other. Then, I called him last night and wanted answers and he blurted out: "I don't love you. I have tried but I just can't." (How does a gal take this?) He had never told me he loved me but he said that when we had sex it wasn't just sex to him. Why didn't he just leave it alone? Why did he have to come back with those things when I broke up with him? Was he shocked by the rejection? After I tried to break up with him a few weeks ago, I had some stuff of his at my house to give back to him and called to see if he wanted me to drop it off. We ended up deciding we needed to talk about things. He came over and we ended up doing a lot but we didn't get a lot of talking done.

So basically, he came back to remind me that I am just body parts to him, then ignored me, until I called him last night so he could break up with me. I haven't proofread this so it may make absolutely NO sense at all and I apologize. I know it's not very good reading material but I just feel so broken I had to get this out. And honestly, I don't have any girl friends that I am close enough to talk to them. So, I turn to you all here. You are the only support I have right now.