I found out the papers were here for two months 

I was alone for Sat and Sunday.  I did some work around my house and had some quiet time.  Well today I decided I should get out of my own way and went to the beach with a friend.  While at the beach she actually stunned me and said the "divorce papers" were done and my husband's (ex-husband) cousin had them.  They were sent to his aunts house and he knew they were there and told his aunt and cousin he would give them to me when he would be in town.  He lives out of state.I remembered that the courts had his aunts address as our address.  They were  trying to decide how to tell me because they did not want him to give them to me.  There has been a lot going on and therefore they were trying to protect me from losing it.  They are aware of how much pain this divorce has caused me.  Well I felt as if a knife had been put in my chest.  I could not move and tried to stay calm.  For the most part I did, but then I cried.  It is just so sad.  We were kids when we got together and we had been through so much, that I really believed we finally made it, but I was wrong or delusional. It is just so sad....I know in time it will get better....but there is a part of me that does not want to forget him and the life we had...the good parts and the dreams of what was to be...I have his copies and have decided to mail them to him with a note..."This should never have been...just so sad.  I hope you find the life you believe in". Nothing else to say.  Now I sit here and feel numb, empty.  Whats next?