Someone ought to write a book about this... 

So we're working on it.  Reconciliation is a bitch.  If you haven't already, give serious thought to what you are about to do if you chose to stay with your spouse, especially if they cheated on you.  We're now getting down to the core of her problems.  Dealt with mine, and it was nasty.  Now our counselor is focused on her issues.  In a nutshell, her deep-rooted fear of failure has nearly ruined her life.  She grew up a fraud, somebody she's not, to please her parents, then boyfriends, then me, then all her little friends and other people.  She began to believe the hype, that she's perfect.  I don't know if that drove her to the affair, but it sure impacts the way she avoids dealing with her own faults and failures.  That's not who she wants to be, but it's who she is.  So anyway, she's got the shame and all that to work through, in addition to her self-loathing stemming from actually believing and going to great great lengths to convince others of her perfection.

So, someone ought to write a book about it.  Seriously, I love to write, keep a daily journal.  Well, almost daily.  And I think I could easily fill 350-400 pages with the story, the dialogue of my pain over the last 13 months.  Any editors in the house?  Would it help anyone?  Probably not unless they were in worse shape than me and need a good laugh.  Hey maybe it could be a "How not to get cuckolded" or  maybe a "Cheating for Dummies" type of thing.

Nah, how about some sort of Oprah book club stream-of-consciousness drivel that would have me triumphantly receiving applause from crying housewives all across America at 3pm daily.  Hey I could do a segment on Dr Phil and actually point to my wife in the audience and give her my own standing ovation as the crowd stares in awe of my strength, courage and love.  Million seller.  I know it.

Would that make things easier, or harder for me at home?  Would that ruin reconciliation?  Or would it even be possible to share my thoughts, my deepest feelings over the past year publically.  Holloywood actors and actresses write memoirs all the time and their families just shrug it off.

I guess not.  I guess when our counselor said that we should trust each other with our secrets he also meant that I probably shouldn't write a book outlining every detail, every day, every week of the lies and trickle-truth that has ultimately led me here.

Any thoughts?  If anything, I could write this book and save it for my children when they are older?  lol...no, that would not be a nice gift would it?  I've got my journals, the package I put together for the private investigator, the attorneys, and the other man's wife sealed in a FedEx box in a locked cabinet in my office at work.  That's where it stays.  I guess.

I read the What If thread earlier and it's got me in a somewhat artistic and sad mood now, so forgive me for the above nonsense.

I've always wanted to write a novel...I could change the names to protect the innocent and guilty.  But how does the story end?

2CD