Abstracting Time 

Space, the final frontier…

Yeah, I watched the new Star Trek movie this weekend. They didn't say that phrase until the end. I guess it was an obligatory cliché that needed uttering, and they'd already pinched me with every re-trek from "I'm givin' her all she's got captain!" to "I'm a doctor not an Actor!" It was time to bring out the intro monologue. I think it's a contract thing. Every time a Star Trek movie comes out, a cliché gets it's wings.

I'm all for that. I mean why shouldn't I shell out ten bucks to see a film about a TV show that I can watch any time I want on cable for free? Yeah, that sounds like a cliché about a fool and his money to me. There's one born every minute, and it's my time, danmit!

Time. That's something different than space. In fact, I think in the end we'll find that time is the final frontier. I mean really. Space can be charted, mapped, and displayed in all directions. When it comes to time, we only know what's behind us, and even that's open to perception.

Oh sure some things we see coming like an explosion in a John Woo film, but others are as elusive as a Michael Bay epic ending.

"Was the real battle of Pearl Harbor this long, or is it just Ben Affleck and Kate Beckinsale that make it go on forever?"

"I'm a doctor, not an historian, Jim!"

"He's given her all that he's got, captain!"

Time. That's the final frontier. Don't believe me? Look at the crazy abstract ways we chart it. Sure we have decades centuries and Carl Sagan's billions and billions of years, but just how you define epoch, age, and era without fudging a couple moments of time? Hell, think about Christmas and opening presents. How many minutes is "in a little while?"

Anybody? Anybody?

Our time is so abstract because we can't get a handle on our own mini microcosms of moments. We live in a ragged closet-box of memorabilia. How do we sort or define the times of our lives? How often to we measure cups of years to sift the important moments that make us who we are? Do you say, "two decades ago I painted my first nude?"

No, and not because you don't paint nudes! You do! I've seen them. You're not half bad, but I think you should enhance the breast size just a little. What? I'm a guy I can't help it. That's just what I think.

No, we measure time by other land markers within our lives. Events are pushpins on the map of "you've been HERE": graduation, marriage, births, and yes, divorce all mark time in each of our lives.

I talked with my mom last weekend. She asked me about time.

"How long have you done that?"

"Oh, ever since the marriage."

"I did that after the divorce."

Yeah, AD, After Divorce. It feels weird to use the dark ages as a time marker. I mean it seems like less than a age ago I was looking at the floor mumbling, "yeah, I'm divorced." now it's a landmark?

What? Like the Golden Gate Bridge or the Statue of Liberty? Ok, I don't know if I'd take it that far, but yeah. I spent 10 years with MyEx, 7 of them married. Stuff happened during that time. Do I treat it like a spy movie and black out everything that happened between hello and goodbye? No. They happened. They're a part of me and I keep them like yearbooks of photos. "99 kicks ass! Stay Cool!" That's how MyEx signed her page. I signed much the same, except I said something wittier. I had to. I'm a blogger. Oh it was probably more self indulgent too.

It's our time. We own it. If we don't accept it and enjoy it, we lose it with the breadmaker and the thigh master in the garage. I don't want to do that; so now my marriage has become a paper weight for stretching out the dog eared map of time. Next time you see MyEx, pick her up and shake her, she's a snow globe. Yeah, no, probably shouldn't do that. She'll definitely leave you with some land marks.

But see? These are how I gauge my time, but if I were to ask you, "How long till the next Star Trek movie comes out?" and you answered "Oh, 1 marriage worth." the time would be completely different to both of us. Because some of us take longer to learn lessons than others. For some people, we may never see another sequel, because their marriage is sill going strong. Fifty years and no more Star Trek in site. Doesn't their future look bright?

Don't get me wrong. I liked the movie. I liked my marriage. It's just that sequels have so much to live up to. Oh, if a new one comes out, I'll definitely go, but I'll have all the expectations that it will be at least as good as the last one, and some things just can't live up to the hype.

Still, I'm all about moving forward, and experiencing time to it's fullest, and if I enjoyed the previous outing, I'll come back again, and yeah, even enjoy the cheesy clichés.

"Should I put the toilet seat down captain?"

"Make it so, Number One."

"Rob out."