Crying in the Rain 

A couple of months ago, we would have had our 19 anniversary.....I, too, spent the evening alone.  I totally understand your grief and feelings about the man you married vs. the man you divorced.  This week  a year ago, I found out about his affair and made an appt. with a lawyer.  Even then I didn't believe that this is where I would be sitting a year later, but here I am.

I've thought about it and my marriage is like flowers that have sat too long in a vase.  For a while, they were vibrant, alive and good to have around.  Then they start to dry up.  You know, they still looked kind of pretty, so I kept them around.  Then I made the mistake of trying to move them.....too dry, they disintegrated and blew away as if they never were.  I knew my marriage was in trouble, I pushed the issue.....when I found out about the other woman, I made the move.

I'm not sure what to tell you, except I know better days are coming.  There will be other bouquets and if there isn't , I'll just go buy myself some nice silk flowers that last forever!

Please accept my sympathy for your grief. I don't know that it is a comfort that others are going through similar pain, but know that you are not alone. My STBX spent our 29th anniversary with his "new partner"- & we're not even divorced yet;  there is a new way for someone to hurt someone else every day. Just know that getting through with your dignity intact will someday be your own triumph- one that you forged all by yourself, not in a partnership with him!

I want to thank all you for kind words of reassurance.  There is something so cathartic about crying.  It exhausts you as well as renewing you.  This site has been such a help to me.

33 years when I got my divorce. I've been divorced for 16 months. Yes, you are right he is no longer the man you married. He never will be again.

Tomorrow will be better and the week after will be even better. I can say that because I know and you will too. Each passing day it will hurt less. I used to cry every Sunday on the way home from town. I haven't done that in some time. I'm looking forward to the future and what it will bring to my life.

You will build a better life for yourself and hopefully he will just be a passing memory.

Congrats to you on making it through this difficult day.  It is a natural thing for you to mourn this loss, it was a huge part of your life for a long time.

It's funny how strong those life dreams are - in my case I definitely know the man I am divorcing is not worth the river of tears I have shed, at least in how he treated me, but they are mostly grief over the dreams and future that were planned in my head.  Those dreams must have been pretty powerful, gauging my response to mourning their death.

Do something kind for yourself tonight or tomorrow - you definitely deserve it.

I am so sorry for your pain. The hurdles of the dates on the calendar are so frustrating. I have not had what would of been my anniversary yet, but I anticipate it will be a hard day.

Sometimes the tears just need to be there.

Bravo on making it through the workday intact. I can remember days sitting in the bathroom at work with a washcloth over my mouth to silence the sounds from my sobbing. As each day passes you will find yourself more and more "together", celebrate those days with a treat to you.....a great gossip magazine or a pedicure, or the ultimate a MASSAGE!

Lean on your friends because they want to be there for you, no sense in suffering in silence. I can remember one bad night my friend holding my hair and patting my back as I threw up from the crying and she said "there is no place I would rather be right now than right here with you at this moment", they want to help.

Same for the people here at D360, though I am very new to the site I can really feel the support and it helps.

I imagine it really is like a loss of a loved one for you, twenty-five years is a long time, sorry for your loss.

I love crying in the rain. I do understand the feeling of needing to be alone. Sometimes I just need that time to mourn.
Tomorrow comes the sun will shine and like you said we do fine until the next hurdle.
One thing about hurdles they get easier after you jumped them for awhile, just like a runner, we get stronger.