My heart is breaking again.... 

I am still in Mass. I had been wondering what my stbx was up to and now I know...No, he doesn't want to come back...He is still a jackass. What is killing me right now is that it is a lesson my kids are learning and I so wish they didn't have to...

My mom came up from Ky to be with my kids for two weeks while I was gone to this military school. Sad really that she has to when the kids' dad lives less than 20 miles away. My mom doesn't mind because she loves to spend time with the kids and my kids love to spend time with her...My son was sick last week and my mom called me to see if I wanted to let him stay home from school. He has missed several days this marking period and I told him that if he felt bad enough that he needed to stay home from school, he needed to call his dad to take him to the dr. Last time I went away, my stbx got mad when I mentioned that we both needed to sign off to give my mom permission to take the kids to the dr and he said that he lived close enough that my mom or the kids could call him and he could take them to the dr if they needed to go while I was gone.

My son ended up going to school and told my mom that his dad couldn't take time off from work to take him...I don't know for sure if my son called his dad to take him or if my son has just learned already that he cannot depend on his dad...Either way, it breaks my heart. I will find out for sure when I get home. My daughter was sick earlier this week. I didn't find out until this morning since I had been in the field. My daughter called her dad and he told her he couldn't get off work...COME ON, he works a government job and I am sorry, family comes first...He called and made the appt and my mom took her. She had strep throat...

My mom told me this and I was instantly angry...WTF does he think I do when the kids are sick? How does he think I manage to do everything? What the hell is he thinking? I texted him and asked him what the hell was that all about...I also mentioned that the last conversation I had with him about getting the rest of his things, he said he was moving into an apt May 1st and would have the rest of his things out before then...I told him it was almost May 1st and that I would appreciate some further communication about this.

His reply...Priceless...He asked me when I was going to pick up the paperwork from the lawyer because he didn't want to drag this out another month. Really, does he think I want it to drag out at this point? Hell, no...He stated that I know he would have taken our daughter to the dr if he could have. Oh, really...He stated that he would be moving into an apt June 1st and that he will put a change of address in the week before. He stated that he would be over the weekend prior (may 30-31) to get the rest of his things...

My reply back was that I guess that was one of the main differences between us, that family comes first with me no matter what...That I take my responsibilities seriously and that does include making sure the kids are taken care of..I told him that I didn't know if I was available that weekend or not because I didn't have my schedule in front of me but that I would get back with him. I let him know that I would prefer the stuff to be gone sooner, I mean it has been there since last September as it is. I also told him I was ready for the paperwork to be signed as well....I asked him if he had to be this way, if it was really necessary. I asked him if he had to go there and kill any good feelings I still had left towards him.

I didn't get a reply and didn't expect one...My kids have been let down in the worst way. Someone that is supposed to love them no matter what can't take the time to take them to the dr when they are sick...I can't imagine being a child and not knowing that you are important to your parents. He has managed to bring me to tears yet again. Yes, it still hurts to see him act with so little regard towards his children, I expect it towards me at this point but our kids?

The thing is, I was at a point where I could look at the good times and at least remember those with some fondness anyway. I was looking at the fact that I have been living without pain. I was looking at the fact that my life is filled more with laughter these days and not tears. How do I get to the point that he can't cause me pain anymore? I was to the point that I could be friendly and cordial for the sake of my kids...

I don't want to even be in the same room with him right now, I am so afraid that if I was, I would give him a piece of my mind and obviously I still need it for my own use...lol...but seriously, this really, really hurts...I hurt for my kids. This may not sound like a big deal but this hurt feels so deep. I think as a mother, I would rather go through the last 7 months all over again myself than to see them so disillusioned. Will this impact their future relationships? I sure hope not. I am not even there to shower them with some additional attention...I wish this didn't hurt so much.