Career or family? 

I was in meetings all day at work. My friend carpooled with me so I needed to leave where I was in meetings to go pick him up...It was 4:20pm. There was a voice message from my OIC (Officer in Charge) to call him on his cell phone when I got his message...I called him and let him know I was just leaving the State meeting I had been in all day...He asked me if I would like to go back to Grand Rapids and work in a 7 position doing Retention...The same job I do in Lansing without the commute, just for a different brigade, the old brigade that I served when I left my battalion to take this new position...I asked him what the catch was...

He said no catch. He said he wasn't trying to get rid of me or anything but that another Soldier had applied for a hardship because he was driving two hours one way to work...Lansing was a closer commute for him and he was a 7. Because there is a 7 slot open in Grand Rapids, he could apply for it, but it would be a two hour commute there as well for him...HRO and this Soldier figured that since they knew I lived in Grand Rapids and was commuting to Lansing that they thought it was a win win situation for everyone...

The State Retention NCO is my boss and my friend and my mentor...I know he does not want me to go...I know that he wants me to stay where I am because he believes it is better for my career to be in Lansing. He has been grooming me for 4 years to follow in his footsteps. I have followed him. It was his position he vacated to take the MSG (8 slot) that I took to make my 7. He will retire in a couple of years and I know he wants me to be able to take his slot as a MSG. I love him for thinking of me and for guiding me through my career the way he has...I truly do...

Once my stbx retired, I thought finally I would be able to put my career first for a change. I had put his first for our whole marriage. He had earned retirement and I was still years from it because of the choices I made for our family and his career...I was feeling good about being able to see what I could do and what I was made of. I took this position in Lansing even though I knew it would be a strain on both me and the kids. Adding an hour commute each way every day onto my days. I took it because I figured that I really needed to take the income increase since I was no longer a dual income family anymore, and I want to provide for my kids.

Now I am being offered the choice...Do I come back and work close to home so that I can put my family first again? I still have the pay increase...Or do I set my sights on my career knowing that in Lansing I will have a great chance to become the next MSG? Do I help a fellow Soldier out and do what is best for my family or should I look out for that career? When I write it down. The answer is glaringly obvious. I need to put my family first...Money is not everything. Position is not everything. I only have about 3 years and both of my children will be grown. My time is limited with them...I need to enjoy every moment of it...After 3 years, I will still have almost 10 years to make more rank...I can put more focus on my career then...

I have been praying that God would give me the answer...Then a voice was in my head saying, "Milly, you know what you need to do, what have you always done? It has served you well so far. It is about having the right priorities, you will be blessed in the end." Can I trust that voice? I think so. Haven't I been blessed so far? I don't mean that it was a blessing to have my dreams crushed. It has been a blessing that I have received peace when I have asked for it, I have received advice when I need it, I have received strength when I didn't think I had any more in me....I have become a better person. I am a happy person again. Maybe happier than I have been in a long time. I may never make MSG when I go in and tell them tomorrow what my decision is going to be (I was only given until tomorrow to decide)....If I don't, that will be ok...There is no shame in where I am at in my life. If I don't, that must mean there is another blessing out there somewhere for me to find.

Having this decision to make reminds me of what is truly important in life. I never want to forget that. I believe I am making the right decision, the decision to be with my kids as much as possible. Maybe there is a little wistful feeling inside of me that hopes it will still work out that I will one day be MSG. I am also proud because I am going back to combat arms...I am a female that has spent the last 4 years in combat arms, these are my men. These are men that accepted a female into an organization that does not normally have women in it...I figure if I can hang with combat arms, then I can do any job they throw at me...I am very proud of that. Of course, I let my share of F bombs drop, I am not politically correct. I am just me...I am suited to serve with men that just tell it like it is. Ok, decision made. I am going to bed soon. I think I have worn myself out...